Deciphering the Crossroads: When to Persevere and When to Let Go

Life's journey is often peppered with moments of monotony. The mundane becomes overbearing; food loses its flavor, clothes seem dreary, and everything around us seems devoid of charm. It brings up the question - how do some individuals stick with the same job or company for decades?

Sometimes, we encounter obstacles that obstruct our path, rendering certain goals unattainable. Conversely, there are aspirations we can pursue in spite of various hindrances. The wisdom lies in discerning between the two and making an informed choice.

Our societal narrative often puts an overwhelming emphasis on being productive or 'useful'. This perception persists even in retirement when people might struggle with feelings of being 'useless'. We inhabit a world that's largely result-oriented, where we're judged by our 'fruits' or 'flowers'. Flowers symbolize our pride, while fruits signify our tenacity. Interestingly, the fruit – the result of our efforts – only comes into being after the flower – our pride – has wilted. So, if your pride takes a hit, remember, it's merely the beginning of your fruitful journey.

There may be instances when we're close to quitting, succumbing to regret later. But it's crucial to understand what's worth pursuing and what's not. The real test is discerning between what you 'like' and what you 'want'. A 'like' is something you enjoy but wouldn't necessarily invest in. A 'want', on the other hand, is something you're willing to pay a price for, in terms of time, effort, or resources.

So, before setting out on a quest for something you 'want', ask yourself how much you're willing to sacrifice for it.

More often than not, we resort to justifications and excuses as to why we can't achieve something or why it's not worth the effort. This internal dialogue can hold us back, keeping us from reaching our full potential.

In the end, the decision to persevere or to quit isn't an easy one. It's a personal journey that calls for introspection, courage, and most importantly, understanding and accepting your own strengths and limitations. So, the next time you find yourself at this crossroads, take a moment to reflect, evaluate, and then take the path that aligns best with your aspirations.

Honoring Your Boundaries: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Assertiveness

Do you ever feel stretched thin by demands that overstep your comfort zone? Whether it's a friend who doesn't respect your time, a boss who calls late into the night, or a stakeholder who continually adds to your workload, these scenarios can lead to frustration and exhaustion. While some may brush off such situations, they essentially challenge an important aspect of our personal and professional lives – our boundaries.

As human beings, we have limits and everyone's limits are unique to them. These limits, known as personal boundaries, are the physical, emotional, and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. It's important to know your boundaries, but equally crucial to honor them.

In my experience, I've found that people struggle to set boundaries due to two primary reasons:

1. Uncertainty about personal boundaries: Sometimes, we are oblivious to our own boundaries, especially in areas that we haven't encountered before. This makes it hard to establish and enforce limits with others.

2. Fear of repercussions: Even when we are aware of our boundaries, fear often stops us from asserting them, particularly with influential people in our lives. We might worry about possible negative outcomes, such as losing a job, facing rejection, or damaging a relationship.

To conquer these obstacles and honor your boundaries, consider the following:

1. Reflect on your values: What values are integral to your well-being? What can you compromise, and what is non-negotiable? Identifying these can help outline your personal boundaries.

2. Practice assertive communication: Role-play boundary-setting conversations with a trusted individual. This allows you to gauge your comfort, work on your communication style, and receive constructive feedback.

3. Confront your fears: What are you truly afraid of? Upon reflection, you might find that your fear is inflated or based on unlikely outcomes. Understanding your fears can help you address them and assert your boundaries.

Remember, setting and honoring your boundaries is not a one-off event, but a lifelong process of self-discovery and personal growth. It's about knowing your worth, asserting your needs, and not being afraid to stand your ground. After all, your boundaries are the framework for your relationships and interactions – they deserve to be respected.

The Confidence Conundrum: Walking the Tightrope Between Self-Belief and Impostor Syndrome

Can you relate to that feeling of swinging between states of great self-confidence and moments of doubt? Do you feel on top of the world one moment, then wonder if you're a total fraud the next? I know I do.

In one moment, I think to myself, "I moved from Korea to the U.S., earned a Ph.D. in Physics, transitioned into the tech industry, and now work in senior leadership. That's quite an achievement!" But almost instantly, doubt creeps in. Thoughts like, "So many people have done similar things. They're more successful, more talented. I'm just...average."

This is what we often refer to as "Impostor Syndrome" - that nagging feeling of being a fraud, of not deserving our accomplishments. It's surprisingly common; studies suggest that over 70% of people experience it at some point in their lives, including a staggering 95% of C-suite executives. If you've ever felt this way, you're not alone.

Recently, while considering creating a group coaching program on confidence, I was hit by these feelings again. There are numerous programs out there already, and some of them seem pretty robust. Was I qualified to talk about confidence when so many others are already doing it so well? Then I realized my perspective was unique - shaped by my own experiences, my struggles, and my victories. That's when I decided to keep going, to add my voice to the conversation.

Impostor Syndrome is a beast, but it's not invincible. Here are three strategies that I've found useful:

1. Understand the Dunning-Kruger Effect and Its Implications

The world of learning and mastery is a fascinating landscape. As we embark on the journey of acquiring new knowledge or skills, we encounter an intriguing psychological phenomenon known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect. This concept is a crucial piece of the puzzle when it comes to understanding our own confidence levels, as well as those of others around us.

Coined by social psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, the Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias where individuals with low ability at a task overestimate their capability. At the same time, those with high ability often underestimate their competency, creating a paradoxical relationship between confidence and knowledge.

When we initially delve into a new domain, we're often brimming with confidence. This surge is due to our lack of awareness of the complexities and nuances of the field – we don't know what we don't know. As the saying goes, "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing," and this initial phase is where we may be most prone to overestimating our abilities.

However, as we start to explore deeper and recognize the extent of our ignorance, our confidence levels plummet. This stage, often known as 'the valley of despair', is where we become acutely aware of the knowledge gap we need to bridge.

Following this comes the journey of actual learning and skill-building. As our understanding and expertise grow, our confidence gradually returns. This time, however, it is not hollow or inflated but grounded in competence and experience.

Remembering the Dunning-Kruger Effect can be empowering in situations where you feel intimidated or inferior. It's crucial to understand that high levels of confidence don't always correlate with high levels of competence. Someone might be exceedingly confident due to their limited knowledge, and conversely, a true expert may underestimate their proficiency.

Next time when you encounter an overly confident individual, especially one who might make you question your own abilities, recall the Dunning-Kruger Effect. Use it as a tool to reframe the situation and question whether their confidence is substantiated or merely a reflection of their unawareness.

Likewise, apply this understanding to your own learning journeys. Embrace the discomfort of the 'valley of despair' as a necessary part of growth. It's a sign that you're aware of your limitations and are ready to learn, which already places you ahead of those stuck in the initial overconfidence phase. And as you gradually climb out of this valley, you'll emerge with genuine confidence – the kind built on solid knowledge and skills. Understanding this cognitive bias, therefore, can be a game-changer in your journey of personal and professional growth.

2. Cultivate the Habit of Keeping a Success Journal

In our quest for success and self-improvement, we often overlook an essential ally - our past achievements. Our brains, as fascinatingly complex as they are, have a certain bias towards negativity. This bias is rooted in our evolutionary history, where remembering dangerous or harmful experiences was crucial for survival. Unfortunately, this predisposition often extends to our professional and personal lives, where negative memories and criticisms can loom large and eclipse our positive achievements. However, we can consciously counteract this inclination. How? By keeping a success journal.

A success journal is an empowering tool to document your accomplishments, big or small, and the compliments you've received. Every time you reach a milestone, complete a challenging project, or receive positive feedback, write it down. Did you successfully deliver a presentation, despite feeling nervous initially? Write it down. Did a colleague or a client compliment your work? Take note of it. Did you meet a tough deadline, or solve a problem that had been stumping you for days? Make sure to record it.

Over time, you'll have a treasure trove of victories that serve not only as a record of your professional journey but also as a repository of personal strength. You can dive into your success journal whenever self-doubt starts creeping in or when you need a dose of motivation. By doing this, you're not bragging or boasting - you're presenting a fact-based account of your achievements and abilities.

Remember, it's not just about the big wins. Small, daily victories are equally important, if not more, because they contribute to your overall growth and define your journey. This practice fosters a positive self-view, bolsters your self-esteem, and serves as a powerful reminder that you are progressing and growing, even if it sometimes feels otherwise.

In essence, maintaining a success journal is like carrying a personal cheerleader with you. It's a way to validate your achievements, encourage your growth, and most importantly, reaffirm the fact that your successes are not flukes or accidents, but the result of your abilities, dedication, and hard work. So go ahead, start your success journal today and watch it become a beacon of positivity and confidence in your journey of personal and professional growth.

3. Reflect on Your Journey and Own Your Narrative

Each one of us is a unique blend of experiences, aspirations, and accomplishments. Our journeys, with all their highs and lows, shape us into the individuals we are today. One of the most potent tools we can use to combat self-doubt is to consciously reflect on our own journey.

Remember the intricate path you've painstakingly carved. It's crucial to acknowledge the significant milestones you've reached, the hurdles you've overcome, and the countless tiny steps that have led you towards your goals. Reflection provides perspective and imbues our achievements with personal meaning and significance.

Each decision made, each risk taken, each late-night working, and even each failure experienced has contributed to your progress. They've each played a part in the grand scheme of your journey. When we view our accomplishments in isolation, they might seem insignificant, but when seen as a whole, they form a vast tapestry of resilience, determination, and growth.

Moreover, other people's understanding of your journey is often limited and superficial. They might not know the depth of the effort, dedication, and courage you've invested in reaching where you are today. This lack of understanding can sometimes lead them to underestimate your achievements, triggering your own self-doubt in the process.

Remember, you are the sole author and the most reliable narrator of your own story. Don't let others' ignorance or dismissive comments make you question your worth or your achievements. Stand firm in your truth, own your narrative, and refuse to let their limited understanding define your self-perception.

Reflecting on your journey is not just about giving yourself a pat on the back. It's about understanding your strengths, acknowledging your growth, and deriving confidence from your past accomplishments. It serves as a reminder that you have already achieved so much and that you possess the resilience and determination to conquer future challenges.

The next time you feel the specter of Impostor Syndrome looming, take a moment to pause and reflect on your journey. Draw strength from your past victories, acknowledge your progress, and reaffirm your abilities. Try these strategies, and I invite you to share your experiences. I'd also love to hear about any other methods you've found effective. You're not alone in this journey. Together, we can confront our self-doubt, bolster our confidence, and continue on the path to self-fulfillment.

Defying Odds: My Journey Towards My Own Success

When I was a young girl in Korea, I had a dream. A dream that seemed impossible at the time, a dream that others found impractical, even ludicrous - but it was my dream. I wanted to become a physicist and attain a Ph.D. from a US university. I knew it would be a tough road, full of uncertainties and challenges, but I was prepared to chase this dream.

The initial struggle was convincing those around me. My parents frowned upon a girl studying physics. My peers at university doubted my abilities, primarily due to my limited proficiency in English. Even some physicists who were aware of my ambition suggested that I choose an easier path, acquiring a Ph.D. in Korea instead. A few professors were concerned about me leaving for the US unmarried, suggesting that I should first find a husband who could accompany me.

Every time I tried to share my aspirations, I was met with skepticism, advice against it, and even discouragement. I felt alone, like an outlier with a dream that no one understood. Over time, I developed a tendency to hide my ambitions, to protect them from the skepticism of the world.

However, I stayed the course, determined to pursue my dreams no matter the doubts surrounding me. My efforts bore fruit when I was accepted into a US university for my Ph.D. program.

Fast-forwarding to the present, I now see that my story is not as unique as I once thought. I find solace in the fact that there are many others like me, who chased their dreams even when no one around them could understand or support them. In an era where personal stories are shared freely on various social media platforms, I feel at home even among strangers who share similar experiences.

I discovered communities of individuals who faced the same challenges and pressures that I had, people who understood my journey. I also learned about the power of coaching – the impact of having someone encourage you, challenge you, and stand by you throughout your journey.

Reflecting on my journey, I often wish I had this support network earlier in my life. Perhaps I could have achieved more, achieved faster. However, I've come to realize that there's a silver lining in the way my life has unfolded. I've grown to understand the immense value of community, coaching, and a support network.

And this understanding is what fuels my passion today. I coach successful people to accelerate their success. I challenge them to dream bigger, I help identify and remove self-limiting thoughts, and support them on their journey to achieving their dreams - the success they have defined for themselves.

As we move forward, I will share more on how to build confidence, dream bigger, overcome obstacles, and accelerate success in this blog series. Stay tuned because this journey, just like yours, is only beginning.