Letter to the woman who’s hesitating right now

This is a letter to the woman who's hesitating right now.

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You had goals, dreams. You worked really hard for it.

And now, you reach a place where things are good. You’re respected. You’re treated well. You know your work. You feel safe and comfortable.

But, deep inside, this is not where you want to be.

You want something different, something bigger.

And yet… this time, it feels harder.

Back then, you were young. You hadn’t built anything yet. There was nothing to lose.

But now? You’ve built a career. You have a job, a reputation, people who rely on you. There’s a lot at stake.

So you play small.

When you feel that spark of desire, but it’s not totally clear what that is, you call it silly.

“I should be thankful for what I have. It’s silly I have this desire to quit and do something else,” you tell yourself.

When you don’t see a perfect path to your dream, you assume there is no good path—and start to justify why it’s a good idea not to pursue your dream.

“I’ve seen people who have what I want. They don’t have work-life balance. They don’t see their family. I don’t want that life. So I’m not giving up my dream, I’m protecting what’s more important to me.”

But the truth is, those paths didn’t always exist. Someone built them. You can too.

Maybe you won’t do it alone. Maybe you’ll create a new path alongside others—the one that others will walk after you.

My grandmother was not allowed to study. My mother was not allowed to have a job. I was allowed to do both.

That didn’t happen overnight. That happened because each generation carved out a little more space for the next.

So if your dream feels like it requires too much sacrifice, try pursuing it without sacrificing. See where the real boundary is. If you don’t try, you don’t know the boundary. If you don’t know it, you can’t expand it.

If your dream feels impossible, at least try and find out where it breaks. That’s still progress.

And you may be surprised how far you can go when you don’t give up first.

Don’t give up first. Push the boundaries. So your impossible dream becomes your daughter's starting point.

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This is letter to my younger self, who hesitated many times.

Does it feel like it’s written to you, too? What dream are you giving up right now?

You are not alone.

I’m here, rooted for you.

What’s the Ending of Your Hero Story?

With everything going on in the world right now, I’ve heard many people express a deep worry: “What if I don’t reach the goal I once believed I could?” 

With mass layoffs, a tough job market, and shifting landscapes, that fear is completely understandable.

But what if you looked at your situation the way you’d watch a hero movie?

The Hero's Journey

In every hero movie, there are three acts:

1.  Setup: We meet the hero in their everyday world.
2.  Confrontation: They face challenges that test them, push them, even break them.
3.  Resolution: They emerge transformed, ready to claim what’s theirs.

Take The Matrix, for example:

1.  Setup: Neo lives an ordinary life as a software programmer.
2.  Confrontation: He’s thrown into a confusing and frightening reality, wants to give up, but keeps going.
3.  Resolution: He masters the Matrix, embraces who he is, and rises as the hero who can change everything.

Your Hero Story

Your journey may not be as wild as Neo’s, but, you are the main character in your own hero story.

Your Setup:

• You’ve worked incredibly hard to get where you are.
• You studied at great schools. You may have earned a master’s or PhD.
• You landed strong jobs. You became an expert in your field.
• You may have even felt a sense of stability.

Your Confrontation:

• Now you may be facing uncertainty that feels bigger than expected.
• Layoffs. Fewer opportunities. A job market that doesn’t reflect your effort, talent, or potential.

So the real question is: What’s the ending of your hero journey?

• What do you truly want?
• What would make that ending exciting, meaningful, and worth the twists along the way?

Because when you focus on that, your vision of the ending, you may realize something powerful: The exact steps matter less.

The path might change. The timing might shift. You may walk a route you never imagined. And that’s okay. That’s part of the story.

At Women Leaders Club, we help high-achieving women reconnect with the bigger vision they’re meant for—even when the path feels unclear. Join us.

The Hidden Causes of Procrastination

A long time ago, when I was a graduate student at an American university, I stayed at a laboratory in Germany. My English wasn’t great, and I didn’t speak German at all. I struggled to learn lab work—the postdoc barely explained anything to me and criticized me for not knowing what seemed “obvious.”

To bear the time, I kept myself busy with other things, avoiding the work that made me feel incompetent. I felt like this was as far as I could go, that I was going to fail at getting my PhD. I was procrastinating—not because I was lazy, but because I was overwhelmed with self-doubt.

Procrastination is often misunderstood. It’s not about being lazy—it’s a behavioral response to deeper psychological patterns.

Here Are Three Common Causes:

1. Imposter Syndrome

For high achievers or those with strong potential, procrastination is often a response to performance anxiety. When people experience self-doubt and fear of failure, they may delay tasks to avoid confronting the possibility of underperforming.

They worry about their abilities, hesitate to take action, and when they do succeed, they don’t believe it was because of their skills. Instead, they attribute their success to luck, overwork, or external circumstances—reinforcing their cycle of self-doubt.

Procrastination in this case is often a stress response. Some people shut down and avoid the task altogether, while others push harder, overworking or people-pleasing to compensate for their perceived inadequacy.

But despite the common myth that imposter syndrome will always be there, it is fixable. One way to break self-doubt is to document your wins—write down what you did well, not just external praise, and revisit them whenever doubt creeps in.

Imposter syndrome isn’t permanent—you can break free. Want to learn more? Email me.

2. It’s Not Your Dream

Sometimes, procrastination happens because deep down, you don’t actually want to do the thing you’re avoiding. You might feel like you should do it—because of societal expectations, family influence, or career pressure—but it’s not truly aligned with what you want.

When people are pursuing goals that don’t feel like their own, they struggle with low motivation, inner resistance, and self-sabotage. They may put off taking action, not because they lack ability, but because their mind and body are rejecting something that doesn’t feel meaningful to them.

This is common among high achievers who have followed external expectations for success—climbing a career ladder they don’t even want to be on, chasing promotions that don’t excite them, or working on projects that feel pointless. They delay, hoping something will change, but often just feel more stuck.

Heading toward a goal you don’t actually want is a waste of your talent and potential. Take time for self-reflection. What do you truly want? Why does it matter to you? If no one were watching, would you still choose this path?

There’s no deadline for making a change—you can pivot anytime. Need help figuring it out? I can help. Email me.

3. Fear of Making the Wrong Decision

Some people procrastinate not because they lack confidence, but because they fear making the wrong choice. When a decision feels high-stakes, or when there’s too much uncertainty, they delay—gathering more information, seeking reassurance, or waiting for the “perfect” moment.

This is especially common among people who were seen as “the smart one” growing up. If you’ve always been told you’re intelligent, you may unconsciously fear breaking that belief. To avoid failure, you stick to safe paths—choosing challenges where you already know you’ll succeed, rather than taking risks where you might struggle.

While this instinct protects your self-image, it also limits your growth. Avoiding hard decisions, delaying risks, or hesitating to act because success isn’t guaranteed can lead to stagnation, missed opportunities, and frustration with your own potential.

If the outcome is the same, what kind of journey do you want? It’s not about finding the ‘right’ path—it’s about choosing the one that truly fits you. Need support? I can help. Email me.

What’s Behind Your Procrastination?

Looking back, my procrastination was driven by Imposter Syndrome—I feared hearing criticism again and doubted my ability to do it well, so I avoided it altogether. I eventually overcame my self-doubt and earned my PhD—but only after breaking free from the cycle of self-doubt. You can, too.

What about you? Which pattern sounds familiar?

• Imposter Syndrome?
• Chasing after someone else’s dream?
• Fear of making the wrong choice?

Procrastination isn’t the problem—it’s a signal. The good news? You can break free—with the right support.

In the Women Leaders Club, we work through these challenges as a community, helping each other move forward with clarity and confidence. Come be part of it.

Why I Hiked in the Dark?

Last Wednesday was Lunar New Year, and I did something unusual—I hiked in the dark to see the first sunrise of the year.

I’ve never been one to celebrate New Year’s traditions. I don’t stay up until midnight, and I don’t put much weight on an arbitrary calendar date. 2024 and 2025 are just numbers for convenience. So why did I do it?

Because last year, I learned an important lesson: Don’t wish for good luck—make it happen.

Looking back, I realized that while I always worked hard and tried different things, I never fully embodied the mindset of I will make this happen. I was moving forward, but not always with the conviction that I was in control of my future.

This year, I’m shifting that. No more “let me try and see what happens”—I’m owning the outcome. It may seem like a small difference, but my mindset feels completely different. To mark this commitment, I decided to hike and watch the first sunrise of the year.

What’s your mindset for the new year? Are you taking the wheel—or just hoping for a smooth ride?

P.S. The sunrise was completely hidden behind clouds. So technically… I hiked in the dark, in the cold, for nothing. But hey, commitment is commitment, right? 😂

Ready to take control of your career and life? Here’s how I help people turn their aspirations into reality.

Intention Over Goals in Navigating the Journey to Your Dreams

We all understand the importance of having a goal. Imagine if a pilot announced, "Welcome aboard. We’re going to fly around for about 10 hours and see where we want to land. We’ll take you safely wherever that ends up being." This would sound absurd, but we often do this in our lives because, unlike a destination airport, our life dreams are often vague.

Goals vs. Dreams

Goals are specific milestones we aim to achieve, such as earning a promotion or completing a project. Dreams, on the other hand, are broader and more abstract, representing the ultimate vision of what we want our lives to be, such as living a fulfilling life or making a significant impact in our field.

Dreams are Vague

For many decades, when asked about my dream, I would say, "I know what it is; I can feel it, but I can’t describe it precisely." When I took actions, I could sense whether I was getting closer or moving away from it, allowing me to course correct. But I still couldn’t articulate my dream until I was very close to it and things became clearer.

I recently spoke with an old colleague who shared his dream. He expressed the same sentiment: he could feel his dream, knew if he was getting closer, but couldn’t clearly explain it to me.

What Are Your Goals and Dreams?

Many people confuse goals with dreams. When I ask them about their dream, they often describe a job title they want. That could be a goal, but is it truly a dream? A dream is a state, a destination. A title could be a dream, but for most people, I think that's not a good dream. Imagine someone whose only aspiration is to be a CEO but has no vision or desire to create anything meaningful. Would you want to work for such a CEO? Likely not.

A goal is a milestone on the path to your true dream. Maybe achieving a certain title will help you reach your dream, and there might be times when you need to work hard to attain that title. But the title itself is not the dream.

Most people have goals but lack dreams, and that’s why they often feel lost. Without a clear dream, it’s challenging to decide which path to take. Once you have a dream and strip away everything that doesn’t contribute to it, you can discern what’s truly meaningful amidst the noise.

Let Intention Guide Your Dream

Dreams are inherently vague, but your intentions can serve as powerful guides. What is your intention? What core values are important to you? By focusing on your intentions, you can stay aligned with your dream even when the path isn’t clear. Is your intention to achieve an executive title, accumulate wealth, or accomplish something else? Clarifying your intentions makes it easier to stay on the path to your dream.

Conclusion

While goals are crucial milestones, they are not the end destination. By aligning your actions with your core values and intentions, you can navigate the vague journey toward your dream with greater clarity and purpose. This approach ensures that your journey is meaningful and aligned with what truly matters to you, helping you to achieve not just your goals but your dreams.

This is one of the insights we share in the Women Leaders Community to help accomplished women sculpt their own success.

Invent Your Ideal Role - Core Principle in the WLC

There are 5 core principles in the Women Leaders Community. The second is "Invent Your Ideal Role".

We are trained to choose from given options. I spent my teenage years studying for the college entrance exam. I still remember my elementary school teacher saying, "It's only 10 years left until your college entrance exam. You think it's a long time (well, we were 10 years old, so yes, it felt like a lifetime away), but 10 years is very short. You have to start preparing now."

The Problem with Given Options

All the questions in my college entrance exam involved choosing one answer out of four given choices. Sometimes it was about picking the correct answer; other times, it was about identifying the wrong one. It didn’t always make sense, but I practiced for years and got good at it. Then we had a handful of options for which college to attend and which major to choose. In the private sector, we pick our next job from all the open job postings, choose the ones that seem most correct for us, apply, and hope to be selected.

Since childhood, we have been trained to choose from given options, so most people don’t think about what other options might exist.

Mentoring Experiences

While I was in the industry, I mentored over 200 graduate students and early career professionals. When I asked them about their career goals, 99% mentioned a company or a title. They said things like, "My dream is to work for companies like Google," or "I want to be promoted," or "I want to be a manager." Then I asked, "What’s something you can’t do now but could do at that company or in that title?"

That's when they started to get frustrated. They wanted tips and advice from me, but I was asking difficult questions. They didn't like it. I understand their frustration.

Only two people out of over 200 had an answer. Their answers were vague, and even they weren't fully satisfied with their explanations. But when we discussed choices, they could tell if those choices were closer to or further from their dreams. That’s how dreams usually manifest in people. It's like an inner compass that tells us "hot" or "cold," helping us correct our paths without giving us turn-by-turn instructions.

The Importance of Vision

As a hiring manager, I always asked candidates why they wanted to leave their current company. About 98% said they felt there was no growth opportunity. I would ask what kind of growth opportunities they were looking for and what they had done about it. About 90% couldn’t answer, but 10% said they had tried various things and decided they didn’t have those opportunities at their current company. These 10% were clear about the opportunities they wanted as part of their career journey. They might not have been able to describe their dreams precisely, but they had dreams. Because of that, they showed more genuine passion when their work aligned with their dreams.

Everyone knows why it's important to have a goal. There’s a story about an old man and a young man who bet on who could walk the straightest path towards a tree in the distance. It was the day after a snowfall, so they could measure their paths by the footsteps in the snow. The young man took one step at a time, trying to keep each step straight. The old man looked at the tree and walked straight towards it without looking at the ground. Whose footsteps do you think was more straight?

I'm sure you got this: the answer is the old man. He may not have taken the most straight steps between steps, but he always walked towards the tree. Sometimes he was a little off, but he corrected his path quickly. The young man, focusing on each step, ended up far from the tree.

All companies have a vision, like the tree, acting as an inner compass. As long as we focus on that, we know what the best decision is. Similarly, we can tell if it's right decision or not only when we know our own vision, like the tree.

Setting Steps

However, a vision is not always clear. It can be vague, more like a feeling of getting closer or further away. To know if you are on the right track, you need to keep moving. These movements are like steps, little goals or targets. It's important to have many steps, many little goals, to check your direction and adjust your course.

Not only do people often lack a clear vision, but they also don't set steps. They want to jump to the tree without walking.

When I say "invent your ideal role," I’m talking about these steps. It may be a usual step, a bit off, a step backward, or even a misstep. But be creative; invent something that didn’t exist before. If it’s not right, that’s okay; you have the next step.

Personal Experience

After working in a job for a few years, people say they are bored and need a change. They look for something more exciting externally, like changing projects, teams or companies. That might be what you need eventually, but I suggest thinking about the changes you want and applying them where you are as much as possible. Set little goals, experiment, and learn from them. It's hard to get bored that way.

I once worked under a workaholic leader and struggled with work-life balance. I wanted to leave for a better job with less workload and a more understanding leader. However, the thought of encountering a similar leader again and running away again stopped me. I had a few ideas and decided to try them out. If they didn't work, then I would leave. After trying them, things seemed to improve for a few weeks but then reverted. I had another idea, and I tried that too. This cycle continued, and three years later, I was no longer afraid of workaholic leaders or high demands. Not only that, but I was also protecting my team from unrealistic demands.

I invented my ideal role where I could maintain a reasonable workload, no matter how much was expected of me. It may still have been too much for some people, but it was reasonable for me.

Conclusion

What is your ideal role? What is your next step to experiment with?

Why Rising from Setbacks is Tough and How to Make It Easier

 

As a leader, coach, and mentor, I often encounter individuals who experience setbacks. They feel all their hard work is wasted and they need to start over from scratch, and they have a hard time motivating themselves. It's challenging to instill even a tiny bit of hope that their efforts were not in vain and that it's okay to be patient, relax, and recharge before starting again. I understand how difficult it is, as I've been through it myself.

I found my love for running in 2021. I did my first-ever 10K run that year and in 2022, I finished my first and only half marathon. I was slow, I got injured and recovered, and I unknowingly finished the half marathon with COVID within the time limit. For almost two years, I made progress, my cardio capacity and muscle strength for running improved, allowing me to run for three hours straight. I was enjoying running but also this progress.

However, I hit a setback after the half marathon. I found myself in a constant state of feeling "under the weather." Most of the times, I was not feeling well and so tired. Running became impossible, and even walking was challenging. This lasted for almost a year, leading me to leave my corporate job in hopes of regaining my energy.

Three months passed with no improvement, and I started to fear that I might never return to my previous fitness level. When I attempted to run again, my Garmin showed a significant drop in my VO2Max level.

I felt a mix of fear and anger. Fear that I may not get fit again, especially considering human health levels typically decline after peaking in their 20s and 30s. I felt like my starting point of decline was much lower. Anger that all my previous 2 years of effort was wasted and I have to start all over again.

It's easy to say that all your time and effort is not wasted and will help somehow, even if you don't realize it. But it doesn't feel that way when you can't see the immediate benefits.

Eventually, I started to run again. Because I actually love running. And I changed my goal, deciding not to obsess with getting back to my old records or fitness level. Listen to my body, enjoy again, if I get there again great, if not great, I am having fun. Not doing any exercise is just not an option, because I am on a declining slide. Even if it keeps me at the same height on the curve, that's better than going down.

Two months later, I participated in the Hot Chocolate Run in Golden Gate Park. It's my favorite running event and I highly recommend it to everyone. A friend of mine joined who is not a runner. She was mixing walking and running to finish the 5K, and I was running next to her. So, yes, I was running at walking speed. But I ran the entire 5K without a break or walk. I was so happy. One, because I really enjoyed it. And two, because I felt hope. Starting again didn't seem as bad, and I was more happy that I could do my favorite exercise again.

We run into setbacks in life, and it's not easy to bounce back. But it is a skill we can learn, practice, and improve, much like building muscle through exercise.

We are starting Adaptability and Resilience Unit on March 12. Learn more ways to persevere setbacks a little easier. 

What is Your Recognition Desire?

 The psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan referred to the desire for recognition from others as the "recognition desire." He suggested that even our deepest desires hidden in our subconscious are not entirely our own but are influenced by the expectations and recognition of others. He famously stated, "The unconscious is the desire of the Other."

When we want something, we often believe it's our own desire, but in reality, it may be driven by what others in society expect or value. We may think we've been living our lives for our own sake, but in truth, we might have been striving to meet the expectations and gain the approval of others.

Ironically, receiving praise can sometimes create immense pressure. When someone is praised, they might feel the need to maintain that level of performance to avoid disappointing others. There's a fear that if they fall short of those expectations, others might think, "Oh, it wasn't as impressive as I thought. Maybe I was wrong." In such cases, praise becomes a tool for judgment and control, a means to impose one's expectations on another.

When questions like, "Why am I living this way?" or "Is this really so important?" arise in our lives, we shouldn't simply dismiss them. Instead, we should take a moment to reflect on whether we are living the life we truly desire or if we are conforming to societal expectations. It's possible that we've sacrificed too much of our own aspirations to seek the recognition and praise of others. If that's the case, it could be a turning point in our journey to discover our true selves and the life we genuinely desire.

The more we understand ourselves, the more we can establish unshakable principles for our lives. People with such principles are less likely to be swayed by the recognition and praise of others. Like a spine supporting our bodies, strong principles uphold and sustain their lives.

This was the topic we discussed at this week’s Women Leaders Community session. Check it out if you want to find out more: [https://www.kimcoachinggroup.com/women-leaders-units] If you'd like to receive more insightful content like this, consider subscribing to our newsletter [https://tinyurl.com/3p6j2c2p].

Love Yourself Unconditionally

 Do you have someone or something in your life that you love unconditionally? For many, it's their children or their beloved pets.

Now, take a moment to gaze into the mirror or switch to selfie mode on your phone's camera. Look beyond the surface, beyond the wrinkles or gray hairs. Look deep inside yourself. Search for that inner child, the boy or girl who has been a part of you all these years, perhaps forgotten but always present. Feel the love for them just like your love for your children or pets. This inner child doesn't need to earn love or prove anything; they deserve unconditional love just as they are, but maybe they didn't receive it. Try to extend that same love to yourself.

If this feels challenging, it's okay; simply acknowledge it. It means your inner critics are putting up strong resistance. You might consider dedicating more effort to work on silencing those inner critics. Loving yourself unconditionally is like putting on an oxygen mask—it's not selfish; it's the most effective way to help others more effectively.

This was the profound topic we explored deeply this week at the Women Leaders Community. Check it out if you want to find out more: [https://www.kimcoachinggroup.com/women-leaders-units] If you'd like to receive more insightful content like this, consider subscribing to our newsletter [https://tinyurl.com/3p6j2c2p].

Is It Really Too Hard, or Have You Not Tried?

Throughout my life, I've been content solving just one or maybe two sides of a Rubik's Cube. I'd watch in awe as some effortlessly completed it in seconds, hands moving too quickly to follow. I had this notion that it required endless practice and time investment, so I never bothered trying.

But the other day, I stumbled upon a Rubik's Cube in my son's room and thought, "Why not give it a shot?" I found a 13-minute YouTube video promising to reveal the secrets. It became a cycle of watching a bit, pausing, rewinding, and replaying—over and over. Surprisingly, in about 3 hours, I cracked it for the first time. I even have a recording of my 7th completion. In that recording, I completed the cubics in about 6 minutes. For a beginner like me, I think that's pretty speedy.

Each time I finish, it's a mix of amazement and joy, but also a hint of sadness, wondering how many things I've let slip by just because I assumed they'd be too hard, time-consuming, or beyond my capabilities.

No doubt, some endeavors may end up that way, but I've realized there are countless things I've abandoned without even trying. This experience taught me a lesson. I'm determined to explore, attempt, and experiment before throwing in the towel. So, how about you? Is there something you've passed up thinking it was too challenging or inconvenient? My advice: don't commit, just give it a shot. It might turn out to be easier than you ever imagined. And even if it proves as tough as you initially thought, at least you'll know for certain, and you can confidently cross it off your list. 🚀🤔

Rethinking Productivity

There's a pervasive message out there about the importance of being productive and numerous tools promising to increase our productivity. We all felt guilty, at least once, when we perceive ourselves as unproductive. Often we link this productivity with the idea of leaving a legacy. It’s a productive life if I leave a legacy.

When I ask, 'What do you want to create during your time on Earth?' I typically receive two types of answers. Some speak of their big dreams and the legacy they wish to leave; how they want to be remembered. Others talk about simpler aspirations, like spending time with loved ones and being happy. I must confess, there was a time when I thought the latter group lacked ambition. My view on this has changed.

A story that profoundly impacted me involves a conversation between Buddhist monks. A young monk spoke to an older one before leaving the temple for the summer. Upon his return three months later, the older monk inquired, 'How was your summer?' The young monk replied, 'Every day, I prepared meals, ate them, and cleaned up.' The old monk responded, 'You had a great summer.'

Initially, I didn't understand. Just cooking, eating, and washing dishes for three months - how could that be productive or meaningful? It seemed like a waste of time. But after years, the message began to resonate with me: the value in everyday, mundane routines. Alain de Botton once said, 'We forget that spreading butter on bread and making the bed for our children are wondrous things.'

So, I ask you: On your deathbed, which will weigh heavier on your heart? The pursuit of productivity and legacy, or the missed moments with loved ones? Ultimately, what does productivity truly mean to you?

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