What Does a Coach Actually Do? Let’s Make It Real

In my two years of coaching exclusively, one question comes up again and again: “What exactly do you do?”

I hear this all the time. Coaching can seem abstract—until you see the results. So instead of just telling you, let me show you what it looks like in real life.

I remember the moment when I realized I needed a change. I was already stretched thin—managing work pressure, keeping up with family responsibilities, and sacrificing my own well-being. I grabbed quick meals instead of eating healthy, hadn’t exercised in a while, and felt constantly drained.

Even when I carved out time to focus on career growth, it was exhausting. I tried strategies that worked before, picked up new tips, but I still didn’t get the results I wanted. I knew I needed to adjust and keep trying—but with my limited time and energy, I was barely keeping up with the bare minimum of work and family.

So, I paused. I told myself, “Let me just get through this busy season. Then I’ll figure it out.”

And when things settled, I tried again. But again, it didn’t work. “Maybe I just need to be patient,” I thought. But another voice whispered, “What if I can't figure it out? What if this is it?”

The cycle repeated. And because each attempt took so much energy, I needed long breaks in between—making progress painfully slow and discouraging.

Does this sound familiar?

Now, imagine breaking out of this exhausting cycle and shifting into a different one—one that builds momentum and makes progress feel lighter, faster, and even exciting.

That’s the shift I made for myself, and it’s what I help my clients do. I’ve seen this transformation into a positive cycle happen over and over again:

➡ They start to push back on workload and set better boundaries at work.

➡ They gain the energy and time to prioritize their career growth—without sacrificing everything else.

➡ They show up differently, approach challenges with a lighter mindset, iterate faster, and make steady progress toward their goals.

➡ And as a result, they start seeing unexpected opportunities show up—the kind they never thought possible.

Let me give you two real-world reasons why coaching works.

✅ “What got you here won’t get you there.”

Many of my clients already know this. They’ve read all the books, listened to all the podcasts, and learned new strategies. But they still feel stuck. The most common thing I hear? “That’s good advice, but my situation is different.”

This is where coaching comes in. I challenge those beliefs—not to dismiss them, but to help my clients see where they do have options. Almost every time, we uncover real, practical ways they can move forward. And instead of forcing progress, they build momentum in a way that feels lighter and more effective.

✅ “Reading about how to ride a bike doesn’t teach you to ride a bike.”

It’s the same with career growth. Career advice, books, and tips are like reading about how to ride a bike. They tell you what to do, but they don’t help you do it. Coaching is different. A coach gets in the field with you, watches how you “ride,” and helps you make real-time adjustments, fast iterations, and see results sooner.

That’s why my clients achieve their goals much faster than they expect.

What about you?

Does any of this resonate with you? If so, I’d love to hear your experience. I hope this gave you clarity on what coaching looks like in real life.

Still have questions? Let me know—I’d be happy to answer!

The 3Cs: Key Elements to Achieve Your Dreams Faster

Coaching is an incredibly fulfilling job. I witness people not only embarking on their journey toward their dreams sooner and reaching significant milestones faster than they imagined but also some achieving their goals ahead of schedule. Here are three key elements that consistently help them achieve their dreams faster.

1. Clarity and Purpose

Many people struggle with decision-making or burnout because they can't say no. They overcommit to please others and often feel like they’re running on a hamster wheel—working hard but unsure of where they’re headed. Some people even feel a lack of motivation and find that nothing excites them anymore. These are clear signs of a lack of clarity and purpose.

One client frequently missed family meals due to work she volunteered for, believing it was necessary for her career. She thought this was just part of having a job, and since her career was important, it felt justifiable. However, she began to feel that family mealtimes were equally important and wanted to say no to additional work that conflicted with them. But she was afraid of how others might react since she had never set such boundaries before.

Through coaching, she gained clarity on what truly mattered to her at this stage in her life. With this newfound clarity, she cared less about others' reactions because her priorities became clear. She set boundaries, and to her surprise, not only was she much happier, but others also respected her more for being clear about her values.

Now, she feels fulfilled having family meals, can make confident decisions about everything in her life, and, by focusing on what’s important to her, she is more energetic and content than ever. Without coaching, she might still be tolerating things that don’t matter to her, just as she had done for much of her life, instead of focusing on what truly matters.

2. Creativity

Some people know what they want but struggle to find the opportunity. They feel like there is no room for growth at work, or they believe they can’t pursue what they want until something changes, like getting a higher job title. These are symptoms of a lack of creativity.

One client, an executive in the tech industry, had a hidden dream she had almost forgotten about—one day, she wanted to own a restaurant. Although she wasn’t ready to leave the tech industry because she still enjoyed her work, this dream lingered in the background as a “one day, someday” plan. When I asked her when she might start working on this ultimate dream, she mentioned it might be 10 years down the line, or perhaps even later, after retirement.

During our coaching sessions, we explored the aspects she loved about the idea of owning a restaurant and discussed small ways she could start incorporating those elements into her life right now. She decided to create a menu and test it with her friends. After receiving positive feedback, she took it a step further and started an ad-hoc food truck business, all while keeping her day job. She realized she didn’t have to choose between her career and her dream—she could have both. Without coaching, this dream might not have been considered for another 10 years or more.

Another client felt she was stuck at her current level for too long and saw no room for growth within her company. When I asked her what kind of opportunity she was looking for, she had a wealth of ideas about what her organization should be doing and was passionate about executing them. However, she was frustrated that many of her ideas weren’t even being considered.

Through coaching, we explored how some of these ideas could be implemented right away and how she could share her vision more effectively to build consensus. She began sharing her vision and taking on additional work to demonstrate results. In just a few short months, the company created a new role specifically for her, allowing her to focus on what she was truly passionate about. Without coaching, she might still be searching for opportunities where her ideas would be recognized.

3. Courage

Some people know what they want to do or what they need to do to achieve their dreams, but they find themselves procrastinating or avoiding action. Sometimes, they create excuses to justify inaction, convincing themselves that not doing anything is also a valid option. They often tolerate situations they dislike because they’re scared to take the necessary steps. Even when a perfect opportunity arises, they hesitate, waiting for others to nominate them out of fear of rejection. These are clear symptoms of a lack of courage.

An Asian client was an avid blogger and speaker, but after encountering a few nasty reactions related to Asian hate, she hesitated to speak up. It bothered her deeply because it wasn’t true to who she was, and she felt strongly about combating Asian hate. She struggled between the desire to speak up again and the thought that it was okay to remain silent because she was too busy anyway.

Through coaching, she reconnected with her purpose for speaking out. It wasn’t just about expressing herself—it was about raising awareness and standing against Asian hate. This purpose became even more important to her when she realized that if no one speaks up, her children could face the same discrimination, which she couldn’t tolerate. Once she understood her purpose, she found the strength and courage to share her thoughts openly, without self-filtering. Without coaching, she might have continued to tolerate these behaviors for much longer.

Another client struggled with interviews, fearing that if she didn’t give the 'correct' answers, she wouldn’t be liked or might be seen as incompetent. This fear kept her from sharing her true vision, which was preventing her from being perceived as a leader. Through coaching sessions, she gained awareness of this fear and found the courage to express her vision and thoughts more openly. To her surprise, she received multiple job offers, and one of them was for a higher-level position than she had applied for. Without coaching, it might have taken her many more months to reach that title.

Which One Sounds Like You?

If you find yourself in any of these situations, know that you're not alone. Gaining clarity, tapping into your creativity, and finding the courage to move forward are all within your reach. Whether you’re looking to make a small change or a big leap, exploring the support available to you might be the next step. The Women Leaders Community, starting September 3, could be a great place to begin. And if you ever want to talk about your next steps, I’m here to help. Feel free to share this with anyone who might find it helpful too.

Where Do You Feel Your Inner Guide?

I recently had a conversation with a fellow coach and shared how it often feels like there's another being in my guts dictating my path. Whenever I face a choice between an easy path and a difficult one, I instinctively lean towards the easier option. Yet, sometimes, my gut strongly objects, steering me towards the more challenging route. Over time, I've learned to trust this internal guide. Ignoring it only leads to discomfort and a persistent sense of unease until I align with its direction.

My friend, however, embraces the difficult path by choice. She avoids the easier routes because they don't offer the sense of achievement she seeks.

In life coaching, we use centering exercises to heighten our awareness of the body's signals. Interestingly, where we sense these signals can vary—some feel it in their heart, others in their gut like me, or in their head.

Where do you feel your body's signal? If you're unsure, engaging in grounding exercises like mindfulness meditation can enhance your sensitivity. Your body has the answers; life coaching is simply the process of uncovering them.

Are You Hiding Behind a Mask at Networking Events? I Was.

I've often said that the most challenging thing for me is to enter a room full of hundreds of strangers and be told to mingle!

Networking events have been a challenge for me. I make small but deep connections, and these happen naturally. Networking events felt like an unnatural setup, and I avoided them as much as possible. This wasn't too difficult until I became an entrepreneur, which required me to meet many new people.

I wanted to improve at this and feel better about networking, so I discussed it with my coach. I was ready to push the boundaries of my comfort zone. Initially, I was looking for tactics on how to appear more likable. However, my coach led me to explore deeper issues.

Many people have told to me I'm too serious and need to lighten up. So I would put on a mask of being a lighter person when I entered networking events. When a conversation didn't go well and I felt like the other person didn't find me interesting, I felt rejected. It reminded me of being a child, not allowed to join a group of friends. I also felt shame. They didn't like me. There was something wrong with me. I was surprised by how these old emotions, which I had almost forgotten, still impacted me.

I am now ready to drop my mask even at networking events, to be my true self, even if that means I come across as a little too serious or boring to some people. I'm open to who I am, knowing I am safe now. If someone doesn't find me interesting, we are just not meant to be, that's all.

We all carry baggages. It shows up in unexpected areas and hold us back. The first step to getting rid of this baggage is being aware that we have it.

Reflecting on your own experiences, where do you notice resistance in pursuing the things you truly want? How do you think this affects your path forward?

Uncovering the Roots of Guilt and Anger: The Power of Ideal Roles

One of the biggest sources of guilt and anger is tied to the ideal roles we envision for ourselves. Whether it's as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, or any other role, we often have a picture in our head of how we should be. For me, part of being an ideal mother was ensuring my kids ate healthy meals. Yet, for nearly two years, I started my work meetings at 6 am. My son would wake up at 7 am, have cereal by himself, and head to school alone.

On one hand, I told myself he's old enough and becoming independent. But on the other hand, I felt guilty. When I talked to some friends, most of them resonated with my feelings. However, one friend asked, "Why feel bad about it? Doesn't everyone do that? My son does it all the time."

The guilt stems from our ideal role image. I felt guilty because I was violating my own ideal image of motherhood. But my friend didn't share that ideal, so she felt no guilt.

When you feel guilty about something, consider the ideal role you've imagined for yourself. Question its origins and its validity. Was it true centuries ago? Will it be true centuries from now? Is it true in other cultures?

If you're angry at someone, ask yourself: Do you like them, or do you just like them fulfilling your ideal role? Often, we say we're angry because we love them, but in reality, we're angry because they're not living up to the role we've envisioned.

One client of mine had an ideal role for her brother: he should care for their parents and put in as much effort as she did. When she felt he didn't, she became furious. Another client had an ideal role for her sister: they should be best friends. When her sister didn't want to talk to her, she felt angry at both her sister and herself.

Challenge yourself when you feel guilt or anger. What ideal role is causing these emotions? Is it helping you, or holding you back? And what will you do about it?

Are you trapped in the 'Nice Person' Box?

Most people I meet are genuinely nice. Perhaps that's because I tend to surround myself with nice people. However, it's disheartening to see niceness sometimes mistaken for a lack of competence or viewed as an invitation for mistreatment.

A client of mine, the epitome of kindness, frequently found herself in such predicaments. Faced with less-than-ideal treatment, she would apologetically ask for more respect. While speaking up is commendable, her apologetic tone indicated a deeper concern. She feared that by asserting herself, she was betraying her 'nice person' identity, as though kindness and assertiveness were mutually exclusive.

Here’s the reality: being a nice person doesn’t equate to accepting poor treatment. We must establish boundaries and, if necessary, be prepared to be a bitch. It’s not a question of shedding our kindness; it’s about ensuring it's not taken for granted. Avoid boxing yourself into the 'nice person' stereotype. It's crucial to respect yourself as much as you respect others.

Assertiveness and setting clear boundaries are acts of self-care and empowerment. They communicate to others, and crucially, to ourselves, that we value our well-being just as much as we do our kindness.

Understanding this is one thing, but applying it can be challenging. That’s where the Women Leaders Community comes in, offering support to strengthen your leadership presence and navigate these challenges: https://www.kimcoachinggroup.com/women-leaders-community

Power of Self-Limiting Thought Awareness

I'm sure you've heard about self-limiting thoughts and the importance of identifying and overcoming them. Here's an example from my own recent experience:

Over the past year, I've gained 8 kilograms. Initially, I attributed it to not feeling well for an extended period and being unable to exercise. Then, I noticed my taste preferences had changed, and I started craving junk food, especially sweet treats. Breaking this habit became increasingly challenging.

After leaving my corporate job, I expected things to improve, given the reduced stress, well at least in theory. However, I still found myself yearning for sweet junk food, and I began to wonder why.

One day, I found myself feeling agitated and irritable. I began to question why I was experiencing these emotions, and a handful of negative, accusatory, and judgmental thoughts emerged. My initial reaction was to push these thoughts away, as I aimed to maintain a positive mindset.

About an hour later, as those uneasy feelings persisted, I had a change of heart. I chose to listen to those thoughts instead. I went to my office, alone, and began jotting down all the thoughts that surfaced, without judgment. Some thoughts made me feel ashamed, but I acknowledged them and continued. Eventually, I had filled two pages with my thoughts.

Upon reviewing them, I stumbled upon something intriguing. I uncovered a thought that I wasn't worthy and didn't measure up to my husband because I earned significantly less money than him.

It triggered a memory. My grandmother wasn't allowed to go to school because she was a girl. She was determined to make sure my mother received an education. My mother, who went to college, a rarity at that time, couldn't get a job. Society viewed a married woman working as a sign that her husband couldn't provide. This societal stigma was something my parents couldn't tolerate. Both my grandmother and mother emphasized the importance of financial independence to me. They told me that true independence and equality with a future husband could only be achieved by earning my own money.

I had completely forgotten about this for about four decades. I was surprised to realize that this long-buried memory had been one of the main driving forces in my life, and now, it's causing me stress and even leading to cravings for unhealthy foods.

Upon this newfound awareness, I lost my craving for sweet junk food, like that. They simply didn't appear as tempting anymore. I used to feel extremes of either extreme hunger or excessive fullness, but suddenly, I could sense my stomach feeling pleasantly satisfied. Since then, I've been consistently making healthier food choices because they genuinely taste good to me again. This transformation was like flicking a light switch; it happened instantly, not gradually.

It was my own remarkably unexpected realization of self-limiting thoughts, and as soon as I am aware of them, I found my freedom from them.

Have you ever experienced feelings of agitation and irritation when something didn't seem right? These emotions can be signals worth exploring. If necessary, consider speaking to someone like a coach. Most coaches offer complimentary coaching sessions, so don't hesitate to take advantage of that opportunity. It could potentially change your life too.

What self-limiting thoughts have you discovered that surprised you the most?

Coaching - A Journey of Nurturing Inner Clarity and Overcoming Resistance

Ever found yourself pondering the crossroads of personal development, wondering which path to take? When do you need a mentor, a coach, or perhaps a therapist? The journey to personal growth and leadership isn't one-size-fits-all, and understanding the nuances, the 'whens' and 'whys' of employing different growth tools can be a catalyst for impactful transformation. Let’s explore the vibrant tapestry of coaching and how it intertwines with other avenues of professional and personal advancement.

Diving into the realm of personal and professional development often brings us to the confluence of various growth tools, namely reading, mentoring, consulting, coaching, and therapy. Each one offers its unique facets and fits into our journey differently, and today, we'll unwrap the essence of coaching in this mix.

Mentoring, a concept most of us are familiar with, involves learning from an individual who has walked our desired path, sharing their experiences and ideas to guide us forward. In a world buzzing with myriad voices, influencers, and schools of thought, all generously showering us with diverse, sometimes conflicting ideas, mentoring provides a direction. But the challenge it brings lies in the overwhelming plethora of perspectives, which, while enlightening, can also create a noisy, confusing environment that makes practical implementation a hurdle.

In this cacophony, coaching emerges with a distinct resonance. A coach isn’t necessarily an expert in your specific field. Think of a coach as a reflective mirror, gently directing you to examine the world within you. The beauty of coaching lies in its ability to take what you already know or believe in, and magnify that through conviction and resonance, aiding you in overcoming internal resistance and making your desires more pronounced.

How does coaching distinguish itself from other growth tools, you might wonder?

Reading and mentoring are wonderful, especially when we're venturing into a new area. They facilitate quick information ingestion and are apt for simpler contexts where quick action upon acquired knowledge is possible. Then comes consulting, which is tailored for richer contexts and complexities, offering an external perspective to navigate through intricate situations.

Coaching, however, operates on a unique dimension, particularly potent when it involves honing our leadership and intuition. In situations where mere information is either insufficient or overwhelmingly abundant, we often need to lean on our intuition. When we’re gripped by an inexplicable resistance, where our body and emotions seemingly pull us away from actions we know we should take, coaching stands out. It addresses higher resistance levels, exploring and gently grappling with the emotional or subconscious barriers preventing our desired actions.

Meanwhile, therapy tends to address even higher resistance levels, frequently intertwined with mental health conditions, offering a different kind of support and navigational aid through our journeys.

In the ebb and flow of our life and career, coaching does more than just help navigate through resistance. It assists in unearthing our core values and missions, aligning our actions with our inner beliefs. When a sense of misalignment lingers in our life, it's often an indication that our actions and path are not in sync with our deepest values. Coaching allows us to peel back the layers, discovering not only our core values but also forming our missions from them.

In scenarios where you find yourself in uncharted territories, steering your own ship, making pivotal decisions, coaching aids in sharpening your intuition, trusting yourself, and providing a space to organize and distill your thought processes.

In a world ever-brimming with information and advice, carving out a path that's intrinsically yours is both an art and a journey. Coaching serves as a compass in this adventure, not by directing your path but by helping you navigate through your internal landscapes, steering through resistances, and amplifying your intrinsic values and intuition. Whether you find yourself in the leadership realm or amid personal development, may the clarity derived from this exploration guide you effectively through your varied pathways. Remember, your journey is uniquely yours, but sometimes, having a reflective mirror (a coach) by your side can illuminate paths hidden in your own reflections, allowing your intrinsic light and wisdom to lead the way.