What If Your Greatest Strength Is the One You Can't See?

Have you ever received feedback that caught you completely off guard, not because it was negative, but because someone praised you for something you thought was just... normal?

Maybe a colleague marveled at how you "always know the right thing to say in tense moments," and you thought, "Doesn't everyone do that?" Or perhaps your manager highlighted your ability to "see the big picture," while you were convinced you were just stating the obvious.

Here's what's fascinating: the things that come most naturally to you are often invisible to you. Your brain doesn't flag them as special because they require no effort. But to everyone else? They're watching you do something they find difficult, complex, or even impossible.

This gap between what you think is ordinary and what others find extraordinary is where your hidden strengths live. And in our January Women Leaders Club session, we explored this exact thing. People got surprised by the hidden strengths they weren't aware of, and felt more confident to tackle their current challenges.

A Self-Reflection Exercise (But You'll Need a Few People)

Since this exercise was so powerful in our session, I want to share what you can do yourself. Well, you do need a few other people too. Because here's the truth: you cannot see your own hidden strengths in isolation. You need someone else to reflect them back.

The Exercise:

Step 1: Think of a moment you are proud.

A moment where you took a calculated risk without knowing the outcome. A moment when you were scared but did it anyway because you knew it was important to you. It doesn't have to be huge. Sometimes the small acts of courage reveal the most.

Step 2: Tell the story out loud to someone you trust.

Describe the moment, the situation, how you responded, what happened. Don't edit yourself or downplay it. Just share the experience as you lived it.

Step 3: Let them ask questions, but no feedback yet.

They shouldn't jump to telling you what they see. First, they ask clarifying questions. Questions like:
"How did you feel in that moment?"
"What made you take that action?"
"What was at stake for you?"

These questions get underneath the surface. The strengths often live in what you were thinking and feeling, not just what you did.

Step 4: Then they share the strengths they hear in your story.

Now they reflect back what they noticed. Not what you said about yourself, but what they heard. The patterns. The capabilities. The ways you showed up that you might be dismissing as "just what I did."

Step 5: Repeat with someone else.

Different people notice different patterns. One person might hear your strategic thinking. Another might notice your empathy. Someone else might spot your courage. You need multiple perspectives to build the full picture.

What Happens When You Claim Your Strengths

One of my clients had an interview the next day and was very nervous. She felt they wouldn't think she was a good candidate, although she believed she was qualified. After doing this exercise, she realized her hidden strengths and got confident that she was the right candidate. She showed up with that energy in the interview.

She told me later, it was the easiest and smoothest interview she'd ever had. She never knew an interview could feel this way. Of course, she got the job.


We cover leadership topics for women in the Women Leaders Club. This was what we discussed last week. If you want to know more about it, check it out here.