Have You Ever Fallen Into an Emotional Manhole?

 This is an analogy I learned from a mindfulness meditation class many years ago.

Imagine you are walking down the street and there is a huge manhole without a lid. People with the first level of awareness don't notice the manhole and fall into it. They suddenly realize everything is dark, smelly, their body hurts, and they can't balance very well. But they don't even know what is happening or why.

People with the second level of awareness see the manhole and want to avoid it, but still fall into it. Maybe they noticed too late, or maybe they still don't know how to avoid it. They at least know what's happening and why, but it's still dark, smelly, and painful.

People with the third level of awareness see the manhole and walk around it.

Which level are you at?

I find myself in the second level often. Recently, I experienced it again. I felt like nothing was working, and it became more serious, turning into, "I'm failing at everything."

I knew that wasn't true. I was trying a lot of things; some would work out, and some would fail, and that's okay. Even for the things that will work out, there are ups and downs. But knowing it (seeing the manhole) didn't prevent me from falling in. I felt very unmotivated, low in energy, and all sorts of negative thoughts came up constantly. It's like being in the manhole, dark, smelly, and painful. I also felt a little angry. If I see it, why couldn't I avoid it?

Then I realized, I haven't mastered how to walk around it yet. So sometimes I could avoid falling in, and sometimes I couldn't. And I haven't mastered how to come out quickly once I fall in.

This time, instead of hurrying to get out, I accepted that I fell in and gave myself time to pull myself together. I allowed my free associations to come and go freely, just observed. And once in a while, I acknowledged them, "Ah... there are parts of me feeling this way..."

It felt like I was practicing at a martial arts dojo. I know what to do, but when I try, I do something else. I know I'll get better, and one day I'll master it, but every time I do something else, it hurts - mentally and physically.

Some messages out there make it sound like things will happen easily. "Just do this, and it'll be all better." But the truth is, it takes practice to master, and the practice process may be painful.

How about you? Have you experienced your own "manhole moments"? How do you navigate them?