What would I do if I could do anything?

We sometimes put ourselves into an extreme scarcity mindset, thinking, "I have to make this happen, otherwise my life is doomed". It's a hard place to be, feeling like we are walking on a high, swinging bridge without a safety net. This mindset makes us obsessed over the log we stand on, the next one, and the gaps between, constantly worrying about the consequences of a misstep.

A few weeks ago, my son mentioned he was planning to upgrade his 3d printer. It wasn't the best option, but it was the only option he thought he could afford. I asked him, "If I could help you with some money, what other options will you consider?" At first, he insisted there were no other options, then he came up with two more possibilities. It turns out these were much better than the original option and the additional money required was way less than he thought.

I seized the moment to point out what had just happened. When you remove your limit and allow yourself to think bigger, suddenly more and often better options appear.

When we are in scarcity mode, we suffer from tunnel vision and often miss the obvious, much better options that lie just outside of our narrow view. This fear can lead us to make poorer decisions, like compromising our values.

The situation itself didn't change, but our mindset did. And with that shift, life could become more relaxed and enjoyable.

What's one thing you feel a sense of scarcity, believing that there's only one way forward? What if you asked yourself this question instead: "What would I do if I could do anything?"

Stop Treating Yourself Like a Mafia Boss Would

 I learned this expression, which I was told is from a TV series: 'You're only as good as your last envelope.'

In case you're not familiar with it, it means that within the mafia, your past achievements mean nothing—only the cash you've generated for them in the past week counts.

I feel like I've treated myself with the same cruelty and lack of compassion that a mafia boss would.

In high school, while everyone went out to play after exams, planning to study 'tomorrow,' I was the exception, the 'weirdo' who studied even harder on exam day. Encountering questions I didn't know the answers to motivated me to study more than ever.

When the college entrance exam results came out, most students who passed celebrated their success. I, on the other hand, was already gearing up for college life.

After I was accepted into a PhD program in the US, instead of celebrating, I started planning the international move.

You get the idea.

I never celebrate my achievements and successes. I always move on to the next task, as if old envelopes don't matter anymore, and I need to prepare my next envelope.

How are you treating yourself? Are you treating yourself with the cruelty and lack of compassion that a mafia boss would show, or are you offering yourself the unconditional love and celebration you deserve?

Where Do You Feel Your Inner Guide?

I recently had a conversation with a fellow coach and shared how it often feels like there's another being in my guts dictating my path. Whenever I face a choice between an easy path and a difficult one, I instinctively lean towards the easier option. Yet, sometimes, my gut strongly objects, steering me towards the more challenging route. Over time, I've learned to trust this internal guide. Ignoring it only leads to discomfort and a persistent sense of unease until I align with its direction.

My friend, however, embraces the difficult path by choice. She avoids the easier routes because they don't offer the sense of achievement she seeks.

In life coaching, we use centering exercises to heighten our awareness of the body's signals. Interestingly, where we sense these signals can vary—some feel it in their heart, others in their gut like me, or in their head.

Where do you feel your body's signal? If you're unsure, engaging in grounding exercises like mindfulness meditation can enhance your sensitivity. Your body has the answers; life coaching is simply the process of uncovering them.

Are You Hiding Behind a Mask at Networking Events? I Was.

I've often said that the most challenging thing for me is to enter a room full of hundreds of strangers and be told to mingle!

Networking events have been a challenge for me. I make small but deep connections, and these happen naturally. Networking events felt like an unnatural setup, and I avoided them as much as possible. This wasn't too difficult until I became an entrepreneur, which required me to meet many new people.

I wanted to improve at this and feel better about networking, so I discussed it with my coach. I was ready to push the boundaries of my comfort zone. Initially, I was looking for tactics on how to appear more likable. However, my coach led me to explore deeper issues.

Many people have told to me I'm too serious and need to lighten up. So I would put on a mask of being a lighter person when I entered networking events. When a conversation didn't go well and I felt like the other person didn't find me interesting, I felt rejected. It reminded me of being a child, not allowed to join a group of friends. I also felt shame. They didn't like me. There was something wrong with me. I was surprised by how these old emotions, which I had almost forgotten, still impacted me.

I am now ready to drop my mask even at networking events, to be my true self, even if that means I come across as a little too serious or boring to some people. I'm open to who I am, knowing I am safe now. If someone doesn't find me interesting, we are just not meant to be, that's all.

We all carry baggages. It shows up in unexpected areas and hold us back. The first step to getting rid of this baggage is being aware that we have it.

Reflecting on your own experiences, where do you notice resistance in pursuing the things you truly want? How do you think this affects your path forward?

Are You Still Jumping to the Lid's Height, Even When It's Gone?

Life changes, and sometimes we forget the things that used to make us happy. A client of mine told me she used to love music and traveling. But then COVID hit, she had some travel limits because of her immigration status, and she got pregnant. Now, years later, she can travel again, but she hadn't. She realized that she simply forgot!

I had a similar experience. I used to go to operas or musicals almost every other month. But then I had a baby, got busy, and forgot about it for over a decade. Recently, I thought, "I want to have fun again," and remembered how much I loved those performances. My son is old enough and I can definitely go to performances, but I forgot!

This reminds me of a story about a flea in a clear container. The flea learns to jump only as high as the lid. Even when the lid is removed, it still jumps only to the lid's height. I used to think fleas were stupid for doing this. But aren't we doing the same thing?

Let's pause and look back. What did you enjoy before that you don't do anymore? What's new in your life that wasn't there before? Check if the lid is still there. Realizing that the lid is gone can set you free and help you find those forgotten joys again.