What Behavioral Interview Questions Are Really Trying to Find Out

Most people have heard of behavioral interview questions, but very few understand what they are actually designed to uncover. Questions like “Tell me about a time when…” can feel vague or tricky, but there is a clear purpose behind them.

Behavioral questions are not about remembering every past project or giving a perfect story. They are used to understand how you work. How you think, how you collaborate, how you make decisions, and how you respond when things are challenging.

Interviewers cannot simply ask, “Are you a good person to work with?” because everyone would say yes. Instead, they ask for specific examples that show how you behave in real situations. Your stories reveal whether you take ownership, work well with others, navigate conflict wisely, lead effectively, and handle setbacks with resilience.

Once you understand this, you can answer with more clarity and confidence. You can focus on what they truly want to learn about you, not just the surface-level question.

To start, here are the six major categories behavioral questions often fall into, along with what each one is trying to uncover.

1. Teamwork

• You collaborate effectively with others.
• You communicate clearly and keep people in the loop.
• You are someone people enjoy working with.

What they are looking for:

Whether you can work well with others, contribute to the team, and be someone people trust and want on their projects.

Example questions:

• Tell me about a time you worked closely with others to achieve a goal. What was your role and how did you contribute to the team’s success?
• Describe a time when you had to adjust your style to work more effectively with a teammate or stakeholder.

2. Conflict Handling

• You can mediate disagreements in a calm and constructive way.
• You can work with difficult personalities without avoiding or escalating.
• You can juggle conflicting priorities and still move things forward.

What they are looking for:

How you navigate disagreements, difficult people, and competing demands without creating drama or dropping the ball.

Example questions:

• Tell me about a time you disagreed strongly with a coworker or manager. How did you handle it and what was the outcome?
• Describe a situation where you had to manage several conflicting priorities. How did you decide what to do first?

3. Self-Leadership / Work Ethic

• You take initiative instead of waiting to be told what to do.
• You show ownership and take responsibility when things go wrong.
• You are reliable and follow through on your commitments.
• You are willing to take smart, calculated risks.
• You consider what is best for the team, not only for yourself.

What they are looking for:

Whether you manage yourself well, take responsibility, and act like someone others can depend on.

Example questions:

• Tell me about a time you saw a problem or opportunity and took initiative without being asked. What did you do?
• Describe a situation where something did not go as planned and you took responsibility. How did you handle it?

4. Leadership

• You motivate people and help them stay engaged.
• You lead by example in your behavior and work.
• You influence others, even when you are not the formal leader.

What they are looking for:

How you guide, support, and influence others toward a goal, with or without a title.

Example questions:

• Tell me about a time you led others through a change or challenge. What did you do and what happened?
• Describe a situation where you had to influence someone who did not report to you. How did you approach it?

5. Resilience

• You handle failure or setbacks without giving up.
• You deal with stress and pressure in a healthy, productive way.

What they are looking for:

How you respond when things are hard, and whether you can recover, learn, and keep going.

Example questions:

• Tell me about a time you failed or something went very wrong. How did you respond and what did you learn?
• Describe a time when you were under significant pressure. How did you manage yourself and your work?

6. Problem Solving

• You are resourceful when you do not have everything you need.
• You use creativity to find new or better solutions.
• You think analytically and break down complex problems.
• You stay determined when solving difficult problems.
• You focus on outcomes and getting results.

What they are looking for:

How you approach challenges, think things through, and turn ideas into concrete results.

Example questions:

• Tell me about a complex problem you solved. How did you approach it and what was the result?
• Describe a time when you had limited information or resources but still had to move forward. What did you do?

Structure for Success

Have you ever felt you are not getting the success you want but you are not sure why? I hear this all the time. I have many clients who are smart, capable, and doing the work, yet their results feel stuck.

When that happens, they often focus on one thing: I need to improve this skill. I need to work harder. But success is not about trying harder in one area. Success requires structure.

Below are the six pillars of structure needed for real, repeatable progress: Vision/Goal, Strategy/Plan, Mindset, Skillset, and Energy. Review each one and see which pillar needs your attention right now. Strengthening the right one makes everything else work more smoothly.

👁️ Vision & Goal

What you want and why it matters.

A vague wish never becomes a reality. A clear vision does.

Ask yourself:

• Do I know exactly what I want to achieve?
• Can I describe what success looks like in concrete terms?
• Why does this matter to me deeply?
• What will be different in my life when I succeed?

Hint: If you can’t clearly picture it, your brain doesn’t know where to take you.

🧭 Strategy & Plan

The path to get there, intentionally, not reactively.

You might have the right vision but no real map.

Ask yourself:

• What are the key milestones between here and success?
• What’s the sequence? What needs to happen first?
• Where am I currently improvising instead of planning?
• What resources or support do I need?

Success loves clarity. If your plan lives only in your head, it isn’t a plan.

🧠 Mindset

How you think determines how far you’ll go.

Even the best strategy fails if your inner voice works against you.

Ask yourself:

• Do I believe this is possible for me?
• When I hit resistance, do I get curious or discouraged?
• Do I practice self-trust, or do I second-guess constantly?
• Am I operating from confidence or fear?

Courage and growth never feel comfortable, and that’s okay.

🛠️ Skillset

Tools and abilities: the practical capability to execute.

Sometimes the gap isn’t effort, it’s skills.

Ask yourself:

• What skills are essential for this goal?
• Which ones do I already have?
• Which ones do I need to develop — and how will I build them?
• Who has the skills I want? Can I learn from them?

You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to grow.

⚡ Energy

Fuel to execute, consistently, not just when motivated.

You can’t create your future if you’re exhausted, distracted, or depleted.

Ask yourself:

• Do I have the physical and emotional energy to do this?
• What drains me? What restores me?
• Am I operating on stress and adrenaline or clarity and purpose?
• How do I support myself through challenging moments?

Ambition demands energy management as much as time management.

💡 Integration: Where to Focus First

Most people don’t fail because they’re “not good enough”, they just have a weak link.

Check in:

Pillar	Strong ✅	Needs attention ❗
Vision/Goal
Strategy/Plan
Mindset
Skillset
Energy

You don’t have to fix everything at once. Strengthen the pillar that matters most right now and momentum will follow.

✨ Closing

Success is not luck.

It’s structure + intention + aligned action.

When even one pillar is missing, progress feels slow and frustrating.

When all six are aligned, success becomes inevitable.

Which pillar needs your attention today?

How to Deal with a Mean Coworker without Losing Your Cool

Have you ever felt your chest tighten after a meeting with that colleague? People can fuel joy, laughter, and momentum. They can also trigger stress, frustration, and real pain. Many of my clients come to me because they are struggling with someone at work who feels mean: dismissive comments, a cutting tone, interruptions mid-sentence, microaggressions, or quiet undermining that slowly chips away at confidence.

These moments can make you feel undermined, ashamed, and angry.

When we feel those things, our brain goes straight into protection mode.

It wants to defend us, often by assuming the worst about the other person.

If you have ever thought:

• “He doesn’t think I’m capable.”
• “She is treating me differently because I’m a woman.”
• “He is trying to make me look bad.”
• “They just don’t respect me.”

You are not alone. These thoughts are normal. They come from a desire to stay safe. But reacting from that place without slowing down often leaves us more hurt, more frustrated, and with less power to change things.

Below is the process I guide clients through to regain emotional ground, stay effective, and teach others how to treat them.

This approach does not excuse bad behavior.

It gives you the power to respond with clarity, not fear or anger.

Step 1: Separate What Actually Happened From the Story in Your Head

When clients first describe a situation, it often sounds like this:

• “He is just a mean person.”
• “She thinks I am useless.”
• “He talks down to me because I am new.”
• “She is undermining me.”

These interpretations make sense, but they are interpretations, not facts.

To get clarity, I always ask:

“What did they literally say and do, word for word?”

This part is uncomfortable, because when you strip away the meaning your brain created, the situation often sounds different.

Example 1

• You: “We have this problem.”
• Them: “What is your plan?”
• Your brain may say: “He thinks I do not have a plan. He does not trust me. He is doubting my capability.”

Example 2

• You: begin sharing an idea.
• Them, interrupting: “I do not think that is the right direction.”
• Your brain may say: “He did not even hear me. He does not respect me. He does not value my voice.”

I get it. The tone, timing, and body language matter. They often trigger emotional meaning and old experiences.

But by pulling apart 1) what was literally said and 2)what I interpreted that to mean, you create space to think clearly.

Most clients already feel calmer here, because the nervous system is no longer driving the moment.

Step 2: Possible Reasons That Have Nothing To Do With Me

The next step is to consider reasons that are not about you.

This does not mean excusing the behavior. It means removing a filter so you can see more possibilities.

Ask:

“What are other reasons someone might act this way that have nothing to do with me?”

For example:

• They are under pressure about the project.
• They think they are being efficient or “doing their job.”
• They do not realize it comes off harsh.
• They were taught this is “strong leadership.”

Before this step, many clients are sure the person has a bad intention toward them.

After this step, at least the possibility exists that the behavior is not about them. This is huge. You can put down your guard, stop being defensive, and choose a response that serves you.

This step is not about giving people excuses.

It is about considering all possibilities so you can regain your power.

Step 3: Inform With Curiosity

Now you can face what actually happened.

Name what they did. Name how it made you feel. Then get curious about what they are worried about or trying to solve.

Use two parts:

1. describe the observable behavior and your feeling

2. ask a curious question to understand the real concern

Example 1: “When you asked for my plan right away, I felt like you did not trust my ability to handle it. What are your real concerns here?”

Example 2: “When you interrupted me mid-sentence and changed the topic, I felt ignored and ashamed. What made you think that approach was not the right answer?”

In this way, they know what they did, which is a fact, and how it made you feel, which is your experience. Many people do not know how their behavior lands. Often they say they did not realize and that it was not their intention.

By asking questions with the intention to understand and support, they may open up about their real concern. You can then help address it. This is the beginning of a new relationship.

Step 4: Teach Them How To Treat You

If they simply did not know their behavior hurt you, share how you want to be treated. This is not an order. It is guidance. They can choose to do it or not, but at least they know your standard.

Example 1: “Next time, when you have a concern, I would appreciate it if you share the concern directly instead of asking whether I have a plan.”

Example 2: “Next time, if you think my idea is not aligned with your direction, please explain why so I can understand and come back with a better idea. I want our team to be successful.”

Healthy boundaries look like this. Clear. Respectful. Actionable.

Emergency: Make a Plan

In rare situations, you may not know how to respond in the moment.

Once, a new business partner I had never met got angry and yelled at me in our first meeting. He claimed I was lying and not doing my job. I knew he had a misunderstanding and I tried to explain, but he was not in a state to hear me. I kept trying to resolve it and it was emotionally exhausting. I was shaking and it took a few days to calm down.

After that, I made a plan. You can make your own plan too.

The plan is simple. Decide a phrase you will use. Practice it. Then use it to create time and space.

It can be short: “Ouch. That hurts.”

Or a little longer: “I cannot talk to someone who is yelling. Let us talk again when things are calm.”

Then walk away if needed. This buys you time to think about what you want to do next. It is okay to walk away from a situation that feels threatening to you.

Knowing your phrase in advance gives your nervous system something to hold onto when you need it most.

Final Thought

When someone’s words or tone hurt, your nervous system jumps in to protect you with assumptions, stories, judgment, and armor. That does not make you weak. It makes you human.

This four-step process helps you:

• regain emotional control
• see the situation clearly
• protect yourself without shrinking
• invite healthier behavior
• maintain your leadership presence

You deserve to be spoken to with respect.

You can advocate for that with clarity and courage. Real strength is not reacting the fastest. Real strength is choosing your response with intention.