Realize Your Power - Core Principle in the WLC

There are 5 core principles in the Women Leaders Community. The first is "Realize Your Power"

Confidence Is a Result of Courage

In coaching sessions, many people express a desire for confidence. They have something they want to do, but they lack the confidence to do it. I tell them, what they need is courage not confidence, because confidence is a result of doing the scary things.

Many women shares the self-confidence issue. Often we face double standards. Of course we should be strong leaders and professionals, but at the same time, we should be feminine, kind and caring. Of course we should be strong performers at work, but at the same time we should be good mothers, wives and daughters by the standards from a time when women weren't allowed careers.

These conflicting expectations not only make women exhausted and burned out, but also lead to self-doubt. "I'm successful in my career, but I'm not a perfect mother, so, I'm a failure." "I am a good mother, but I didn't advance enough in my career, so I'm a failure." "I am a good performer, but I am too bossy, so I'm a failure." Sounds familiar?

Many women I know moved to a foreign country for a better life. Many women I know worked hard and earned advanced degrees. Many women I know pursued careers in a foreign language or switched industries. Many women I know are often the only women in the room. Plus most of them raised a family at the same time.

Despite all these achievements, I often hear, "Well, everybody does it". First of all, it's not true. Second, think about marathon finishers. Not everybody can finish a marathon, but many do finish the marathon. Do we call finishers failures because they were not the first to finish? I don't know about you, but I do respect all the marathon finisher and even the people who tried even if they didn't finish. Why do we respect marathoners in running, but not showing the same respect and cheer for the marathoners in life?

When these amazing women say they can't do it, I remind them of their moments in the past: the moment they took action in the face of fear, the moment they took a risk without knowing what the result would be, the moment they went through huge challenges and endured them for a bigger goal. Then they start to remember how powerful they are and regain their confidence.

Courage Stems from Purpose

Many people share stories about how they were so scared to do something, like saying no to others or asking a question to a stranger, but now they find it easier. The reason they found it easier is because they had courage to actually do those things and learned that it didn't kill them.😉

There is a famous story about a man who had a fear of rejection and planned to be rejected 100 times. He documented his 100 rejection experiments and became famous for it. He mentioned many insights he learned and tips. But my biggest surprise was, even though his requests were very unusual, well he wanted to be rejected, he got surprisingly many yeses.

But still, there is one thing missing. Behind the courage to face fear is the purpose. Some people said it was probably easier for him because he planned and expected his rejections. There's some truth to that. But the bigger reason he did all this is because he had a purpose: to overcome his fear of rejection.

Have you ever suddenly found the courage to do challenging things when you have a purpose? I came to the US alone, knowing no one, and my English was so poor I couldn't order a sandwich at Subway. I studied PhD level physics in English, with people who don't even know where Korea was. Now that I think back, that was a scary journey. But at that time, I was so focused on getting a PhD in Physics in the US, the challenges were just part of the journey.

An Asian women developed a fear of sharing her opinions after experiencing Asian hate and sexism a few times. She was furious about her experience, but was too scared to speak up and fight against it. Then she realized that if she didn't do anything, her daughters will experience the same thing. That realization gave her instance courage. She was no longer afraid to share her voice and fight.

Realize Your Power & Purpose

Knowing your power gives you confidence. Knowing your purpose gives you courage. They are the important first steps to sculpt your own success.

Next time, we'll talk about inventing your ideal role.