Create Your Own Leadership Path: A Conversation with Kaitlin Liston

I had the pleasure of speaking with Kaitlin Liston for the Kim Coaching Group Interview Series, and I’m so excited to share her story and insights.

Kaitlin is a demand generation manager at RingCentral who has built an impressive and intentional career in tech marketing. She started at a small startup while still in college, held almost every type of marketing role you can imagine, and along the way co-founded a nonprofit and helped more than 100 students with their college applications. But what stands out most is how she consistently created leadership opportunities for herself and brought others along with her.

Here are some of the key takeaways from our conversation, in Kaitlin’s own words, with reflections and examples you can use right away.

Rethink What Leadership Means

“Being a leader is more leading by example… All of the best leaders that I’ve worked under have enabled us to be our best selves. It’s more of a collaboration, allowing for an environment where everyone feels like they have the abilities to do their best.”

Kaitlin grew up playing sports and described how the best team captains were the ones who led by how they showed up, not by barking orders. That same approach shaped her view of leadership at work. She’s not waiting to be given authority, she shows up with it.

We talked about how people often tune out during all-hands meetings or skip team calls because they feel too busy. But leadership means showing up anyway, asking questions, and treating those meetings like they matter, because they do. That’s where you get context, build trust, and show you care about more than just your own tasks.

Decide What Kind of Leader You Want to Be

“I love this quote that you are the sum of the five people closest to you. I started thinking about the kind of people I wanted around me and the kind of leader I wanted to be to them.”

Kaitlin discovered her leadership style by observing others. Some made people feel empowered. Some didn’t. That helped her reflect on what kind of leader she didn’t want to be and she built her own version from there.

You don’t have to pick from the leadership styles already out there. You get to define your own. Kaitlin leads by building trust, giving credit, and making people feel like they belong. That’s what people remember and follow.

Ask yourself: who are the people you admire most in your life and work? What do they do that makes you feel seen and supported? Start modeling those behaviors.

Build a Real Network, Not Just a List of Contacts

“Your network is your net worth.”

Kaitlin believes in building meaningful relationships that go beyond LinkedIn connections. When she joins a new company, she asks her manager to introduce her to 10 people across the org. She reaches out to new hires. She gets curious about what people do and who they are.

We talked about how real networking isn’t about keeping score, it’s about being generous. When you offer help without expecting anything back, you build reputation and trust. And over time, those people remember what you’re great at and want to work with you again.

If you’re wondering how to start, Kaitlin’s advice is simple: send a message that shows genuine interest. Tell someone what you admire about their work, ask one thoughtful question, and offer something specific you can help with.

Create the Opportunities You Want to See

“I didn’t wait for a promotion. I started leading book clubs, organizing events, and building community.”

At RingCentral, Kaitlin helped launch WISE, the Women in SaaS Empowerment group. She began by volunteering to run small programs like book clubs and lunch-and-learns. Eventually, she became the event chair, helping others grow their skills and confidence too.

Outside of work, she co-founded a nonprofit during the pandemic and continues to support students through college counseling. All of this started with small decisions to raise her hand.

We talked about how creating leadership opportunities doesn’t have to be big. You can volunteer to lead a 30-minute discussion. You can offer to review someone’s document. You can step in on something that fits your time and energy, and still have an impact.

Leadership grows with every action. Start where you are.

Think Like a Leader Before Anyone Calls You One

“When something doesn’t feel right, I don’t just let it go, I try to be part of the solution.”

Kaitlin once noticed something in the marketing org that didn’t sit right with her. She was a manager at the time, and it wasn’t her responsibility to weigh in on org-wide strategy, but she cared deeply about where the team was headed. So she sent a thoughtful Slack message to her VP, sharing her perspective.

Leadership often starts like this, not with a formal role, but with a mindset. Leaders treat everything like it’s their problem. When you care enough to speak up, offer ideas, or take initiative, even when it’s not in your job description, you’re already leading.

What’s something that’s been bothering you at work? Instead of venting about it, what would it look like to take action? You don’t have to fix everything. But you can start the conversation.

What’s One Thing You’ll Try?

Kaitlin’s story is full of small, intentional actions that added up to real leadership. She didn’t wait to be chosen. She chose herself.

What’s one thing from her story that you’ll try this month?

Pick something simple. Reach out to someone new. Offer to help. Show up differently.

And if you’re ready to take your leadership to the next level, check out the Women Leaders Club. We go deep into topics like these and support each other through every stretch and leap.

How to Build a Resilient, Abundant Career in Uncertain Times

I worked really hard to get here. I studied well, went to good schools. I gave everything—often without allowing myself to rest or enjoy life. I got the job I wanted. Things were finally starting to click. I could see the finish line. And then the economy shifted. Suddenly, the path I had been following started to disappear.

I was scared. What about all those years of effort? Was it all falling apart? I remember thinking, No, not now, not here. I felt so close. I couldn’t believe this was how things might end.

I blamed the economy. I blamed the job market. I worked even harder to stand out, to survive. But nothing seemed to improve. I started to question myself. Maybe I’m not as good as I thought. Maybe I was just lucky. Maybe I was dreaming too big.

Have you felt like this before? If so, you’re definitely not alone. This was me during the 2008 financial crisis, trying to transition from academia to industry.

And I hear similar stories now. Over and over again.

If I could say one thing to my younger self, it would be: It’s okay. It’s going to work out. Just maybe not in the way you imagined.

What if your dream is still guaranteed, but the path looks different than you expected?

Here are some ideas that helped me back then, and might help you now:

1. Build Internal Abundance

This is about strengthening your inner foundation so that you make decisions from clarity, not fear. It's not just about mindset. It's about tangible, everyday practices that restore your energy and reinforce your self-trust.

Invest in yourself
Don't just wait for your company to offer a course. Choose a skill you're curious about, or say yes to an experience that stretches you. Whether it's joining a leadership cohort, working with a coach, or giving yourself permission to attend a conference, treat your development like the strategic investment it is.

Build a savings buffer
Having six to twelve months of runway, without depending on a job, can be life-changing. It gives you freedom. You can say no to bad fits, explore bigger opportunities, and hold boundaries that protect your energy. You think more clearly when you're not operating from fear.

Rest regularly and move your body daily
Some of your best ideas won't come while you're grinding at your desk. They’ll come when you’re walking, dancing, stretching, or even doing nothing. Movement clears emotional static. Rest creates the space for insights to land.

Track your wins
Imposter syndrome doesn’t vanish just because you achieve more. Keep a "brag document" to log your impact, the praise you’ve received, and the moments you felt proud. It’s not vanity. It’s evidence. Especially when you’re in a culture that may not always see your value.

2. Step Into Your Power

This is about how you carry yourself and how you talk about your work. It’s about claiming your seat at the table, and realizing it was never about waiting to be invited.

Learn from masters
Seek people who’ve done what you dream of. People who’ve walked through rooms where they were the only one, asked for more when it felt risky, and built careers with staying power. Learn from them. Ask questions. Be inspired. Grow your power.

Assume you belong
Stop looking for proof you deserve to be there. Walk in knowing your presence adds value, because it does. Your perspective, intelligence, and experience matter. When you believe that, others start to as well.

Show up with peer energy
This isn’t arrogance. It’s grounded confidence. Walk into meetings not trying to prove yourself, but ready to contribute. You're not there to earn your seat. You're there to use it.

Celebrate the 'no'
We often hold back, afraid of hearing "no." So we don’t ask for what we need: a promotion, a raise, a stretch role, a pause. But every time we don’t ask, we reinforce limits. A "no" isn’t the end. It just means not this way or not right now. Shift what you ask. Ask again later. Keep asking. You don’t get to the big "yes" without hearing some "no" along the way.

3. Design an Abundant Career

The goal isn’t just survival. It’s about creating a career that’s spacious, evolving, and aligned with who you are. That means being proactive, not reactive.

Join a room full of bold women
Find people who stretch you. People who normalize ambition, challenge your ideas, and cheer for you when you doubt yourself. Network with intention. Build your personal support system. Join industry groups or programs like the Women Leaders Club, spaces where growth is shared and support is built-in. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Diversify your opportunities
One job title shouldn’t define your value or your future. Learn about other roles. Speak. Advise. Write. Take on side projects. Start small, but start. Creating multiple ways to express your talents gives you more stability and more room to grow.

Turn your insights into assets
If you’ve figured something out that others are still struggling with, don’t keep it to yourself. Document it. Share it. Make it a talk, a blog post, a framework. When your ideas live beyond you, they amplify your visibility and your impact.

Own your edge
Our roles are changing. Traditional paths are dissolving, and new ones are being created every day. Don’t focus only on fitting into what exists. Start shaping what doesn’t yet. Your background, personality, and perspective are your strengths. Use them. That’s how you stand out.

You don’t have to wait for the world to calm down before you move forward. You just need to start where you are, with clarity, courage, and a few intentional steps.

17 Types of Self-Limiting Negative Thoughts

We all hear negative thoughts. They are usually irrational and immediately come into our consciousness, especially during stressful or triggering events. These thoughts may have once protected us, but now they often diminish our confidence and abilities.

The first step is to become aware of these thoughts and what triggers them. Then, name them.

Naming and labeling them helps externalize the thought—it becomes “a thought I’m having,” rather than “who I am.” This creates distance and allows for reflection.

As Amit Ray once said:

“You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.”

Once you recognize the type of thought and the situation that triggers it, ask questions to challenge it—because these thoughts are usually irrational. Then, prepare what alternative thought you want to practice next time it shows up.

Below are 17 types of common self-limiting negative thoughts:

1. Mind Reading

You believe you know what others are thinking—typically something negative about you.

Example: You see someone quiet in a meeting and assume they think you’re an idiot.

→ You ignore neutral or ambiguous cues and jump to negative conclusions.

Challenging questions:

• What’s helpful about predicting a negative outcome before it happens?

• What evidence do you have to support this prediction?

• How likely is it that your fear will actually come true?

2. Fortune Telling

You predict a negative outcome, even without solid evidence.

Example: “I’m going to get fired,” after a single mistake.

→ You assume the worst will happen, often prematurely.

Challenging questions:

• Am I assuming I know what someone else is thinking?

• What specific evidence supports my assumption?

• What are some alternative explanations for their behavior that don’t involve me being inadequate?

3. Catastrophizing

You imagine the worst-case scenario and believe it’s the most likely.

Example: “I’ll never get another opportunity again,” after a minor mistake.

→ Reality is more likely to involve feedback and learning, not total exclusion.

Challenging questions:

• How realistic is the worst-case scenario?

• What might happen if the outcome wasn’t as catastrophic as I fear?

• How have I coped with similar situations in the past? How did it go?

4. Labeling

You assign a negative identity to yourself based on a behavior or mistake.

Examples: “I’m incompetent,” “I’m stupid,” “I’m incapable.”

→ These reinforce shame rather than acknowledge growth.

Challenging questions:

• What specific evidence supports this label?

• Can you identify instances where this label doesn’t apply?

• How might this label limit your view of yourself or others?

5. Discounting the Positive

You trivialize or invalidate compliments and achievements.

Example: After praise, you respond with, “But I messed up that one slide.”

→ You transform positive moments into negatives.

Challenging questions:

• Are you dismissing your accomplishments or others’ positive actions?

• What effort or skill went into achieving this success?

• Would you minimize someone else’s success in the same way?

6. Negative Filter

You focus almost entirely on what went wrong, ignoring what went well.

Example: “Nobody likes me,” after one negative interaction.

→ You magnify the bad and erase the good.

Challenging questions:

• What positives might I be overlooking?

• Is there any evidence that contradicts my negative focus?

• How balanced is my view of the situation? What might a more balanced opinion look like?

7. Overgeneralization

You draw broad conclusions from one isolated event.

Example: “I did poorly at that leadership event—I’m not leadership material.”

→ One moment becomes your entire identity.

Challenging questions:

• Am I drawing broad conclusions based on a single event?

• How does one incident define my overall abilities?

• Can I identify situations where the opposite has been true?

• What might a more specific description of this situation look like?

8. Dichotomous Thinking

Also known as all-or-nothing or black-and-white thinking.

Examples: “It was a complete waste of time,” “Everyone rejects me.”

→ There’s no room for nuance or partial success.

Challenging questions:

• Am I seeing this situation as either entirely good or entirely bad?

• Is there a middle ground or partial success I’m overlooking?

• How does this black-and-white perspective affect my view of the situation?

9. Should Statements

You frame expectations as moral imperatives and judge yourself harshly when falling short.

Example: “I should do well. If I don’t, I’m a failure.”

→ “Shoulds” become rigid rules that set you up to feel like a failure.

Challenging questions:

• Am I imposing rigid expectations on myself or others?

• Where did that “should” come from?

• How realistic or helpful is this “should” statement?

• What could I replace “should” with to create a more flexible perspective?

10. Personalization

You believe you’re to blame for things outside your control.

Example: “The project failed—it was all my fault,” in a group setting.

→ You ignore shared responsibility.

Challenging questions:

• Am I taking responsibility for things beyond my control?

• How much responsibility do others share in this situation?

• How would I view this situation if it happened to someone else?

• What would a more balanced view of responsibility look like?

11. Blaming

You focus on others as the source of your problems and resist personal responsibility.

Examples: “My parents caused all my problems,” “If my boss were different, I’d be successful.”

→ This leaves you feeling powerless to change.

Challenging questions:

• Am I attributing my feelings entirely to someone else’s actions?

• How much control do I have over my own feelings and reactions?

• What steps can I take to improve the situation, regardless of others’ actions?

• How does focusing on blame prevent me from finding solutions?

12. Unfair Comparisons

You compare yourself to others with more experience or resources and judge yourself inferior.

Example: “We were in the same MBA class, but I’m nowhere near their level.”

→ “Compare and despair” leads to low self-worth.

Challenging questions:

• Am I comparing myself to someone else without considering my own unique circumstances?

• What strengths or achievements of my own am I overlooking?

• How can I use comparison as inspiration rather than self-criticism?

• How does my journey differ from theirs?

13. Regret Orientation

You dwell on past decisions and ruminate on what you “should have” done.

Examples: “Why did I say that?” “I should’ve done more.”

→ Focus remains on the past instead of present choices.

Challenging questions:

• Am I focusing more on the past than on what I can do now?

• How does this focus on regret affect my present actions?

• What lessons can I learn from the past to inform my future?

• What steps can I take now to create a better outcome?

14. What-Ifs

You worry about endless negative scenarios.

Examples: “What if I fail?” “What if I get anxious?”

→ Rarely satisfied by reassurances, these thoughts stall action.

Challenging questions:

• Am I asking hypothetical questions that lack definitive answers?

• What evidence suggests this worst-case scenario will happen?

• How has worrying helped or hurt me in similar situations?

• What is the most realistic outcome?

15. Emotional Reasoning

You use your feelings to determine truth.

Example: “I felt nervous, so that must’ve been a disaster.”

→ Emotions are treated as facts.

Challenging questions:

• Am I assuming that my feelings accurately reflect reality?

• What evidence supports or contradicts my interpretation?

• How might temporary emotions influence my perspective?

• What other explanations could there be for my feelings?

16. Successful Judgment Focus

You measure yourself and others by arbitrary standards of success.

Example: “They’re making more money than me—I’m falling behind.”

→ You constantly evaluate, rather than understand or accept.

Challenging questions:

• Am I dismissing evidence that challenges my belief?

• What would it take for me to accept positive feedback?

• How does holding onto this belief serve or harm me?

• What small steps could I take to test this belief?

17. Inability to Disconfirm

You dismiss or reject any evidence that contradicts your negative belief.

Example: “One person gave me bad feedback—see, I am a bad speaker,” despite positive feedback.

→ You make your negative belief unfalsifiable.

Challenging questions:

• Am I judging myself or others based on rigid or unrealistic standards?

• Who decides what “success” or “failure” means?

• How does focusing on judgments limit my growth or happiness?

• What would happen if I focused on understanding rather than evaluating?

Which ones do you resonate with the most?

Ask yourself the challenging questions. Do you have a new, more balanced thought you’d like to hold onto instead? Write it down.

Next time that negative thought shows up, have your new thought ready.

Play the Full Field

I was watching a soccer game years ago—don’t ask me which teams, I’m not a big fan. What stuck with me wasn’t the score but something a commentator said when a player received a yellow card late in the game.

“He has another yellow card he can use. It’s almost the end—he should play even more aggressively.”

Wait—use a yellow card? I always thought of it as a punishment. Something that meant: you did something wrong, now you better behave differently.

But the commentator saw it not as a punishment, but as a tool—something to use strategically to win the game.

That moment stayed with me.

We often hear that women “play too safe.” We use only a portion of the field. Meanwhile, others are out there playing the whole field—including yellow cards.

What It Means to Push

There’s a line from an old Korean drama that I often come back to. A manager was asked to fire all his employees. Instead, he sought legal advice to protect them. When the company found out, they threatened to fire him. His employees misunderstood him and withdrew support. Discouraged, he decided to just quit.

The labor lawyer asked him:

“You’re going to leave without even throwing one punch?”

Then he said something I’ll never forget:

“Some people will hit you back ten times harder. Others will step back. But you won’t know until you throw the first punch. Only then can you see where the line actually is. And only when you see the line, can you choose to cross it.”

In other words: you learn your real limits by testing them.

I experienced this myself when I was a postdoc doing research assigned by my professor. Around that time, the Higgs boson search was becoming a big deal, and there was an opportunity to join the effort at the lab.

Part of me hesitated—I felt I should talk to my professor first. But another part of me couldn’t help it. I raised my hand.

I was so nervous, I decided I’d only work on it in the evenings and weekends. But eventually, I needed to use work hours. I kept telling myself, just a few more weeks, and we’ll submit the paper.

Then one day, my professor walked into my office and said,

“Hojeong, I heard you’re working on the Higgs boson search.”

My heart dropped. I imagined him yelling. Firing me. I was on a visa—what would happen? A dozen fears flashed through my mind in a split second.

I barely got out a word.

Then he said,

“It’s great you took proactive action to work on such an important project. Great job. Keep it up.”

And he walked out.

I stood there frozen. That was the moment I realized:

sometimes the scariest boundary is the one I draw in my own mind.

Where Are You Holding Back?

Fast forward to now. I hear similar hesitations from clients all the time:

• “How do I tell the interviewer I want work-life balance?”
• “How can I let my boss know I’m exploring other roles?”
• “My boss keeps pinging me at night—what do I do?”

It’s as if wanting balance, exploring options, or spending evenings with family is somehow wrong.

So I ask them:

Will your work suffer because of your work-life balance, job search, or family time?

They always say no.

Then why are you asking for permission?

You don’t need to ask. You just do it.

If you really want to say something, say it matter-of-factly. Not asking permission. Not apologizing.

You’re not being selfish. You’re not betraying anyone.

You’re just playing the game more fully—using all the cards you have.

Look for the Clues

Where in your life do you find yourself saying things like:

• “I don’t want to bother them.”
• “They might get upset.”
• “It's not much. I can just do it.”

These are the whispers of fear. These are signs you may be playing it safe instead of playing it full.

What would change if you played the full field?

What might you discover if you found out where the boundary really is?

Throw your first punch.

Use the yellow card.

Play the whole damn field.

You might be surprised how much room you actually have.