My Journey from Surviving to Thriving

Embarking on a journey from the regimented corporate world to a life illuminated by my top three values - Thriving, Fun, and Courage - was both an adventure and an introspective lesson. The wise words of my coach, framing these values succinctly as doing "fun and scary things to feel thriving," has become my beacon in post-corporate life, providing direction in moments of indecision.

Utilizing these values as a prioritization tool has been nothing short of enlightening. Whenever faced with numerous tasks or options, I'd ask myself: What is the most fun and scary thing to do? Prioritizing in this manner always steered me toward opportunities that not only challenged me but also injected an element of joy into the endeavor.

Earlier this week, a tangible manifestation of my values presented itself when I spoke briefly about mentoring to around 100 people and launched my app, Betterself.ai, on both the AppStore and PlayStore. For the first time, when updating my LinkedIn profile with my new venture and being asked if I wanted to notify my network, I boldly chose 'yes'. The ensuing flood of congratulatory messages from dozens, including many I hadn’t spoken to in years, was both exhilarating and a tad intimidating.

A peculiar sensation bubbled within me - a lively, light electricity traveling up and down my body, keeping me astonishingly awake and alert. This was an unfamiliar sensation, one that I initially couldn’t quite place. However, after a reflective conversation with my coach, I identified this novel feeling: thriving. It was an intricate blend of excitement and a smattering of fear.

My pre-thriving life was substantially a survival mode, a life underpinned by a fear-driven mentality. The terror of not achieving created a hypothetical consequence: living a life I truly didn’t desire. Although if posed with the question - would my life have been dreadful if I hadn’t achieved all that I did? The honest answer would oscillate between 'I don’t know' and probably finding alternate pathways to contentment. But, that fear was a potent motivator, propelling me to earn a Ph.D., secure reputable jobs, ascend to leadership roles, and earn a decent income.

However, a moment arrived when these achievements and financial stability were no longer sufficient. I yearned for a different life - one aligned with my newfound values. Yet, when I finally stepped into this thriving life, recognizing the accompanying feelings was a challenge in itself. Initially misinterpreting this bustling sensation of ‘thriving’ as a peculiar anomaly that needed fixing, it was enlightening to realize that for someone desiring a life infused with fun and mild fear, this was exactly how thriving was supposed to feel.

The realization that thriving felt drastically different from my expectations was surprising yet welcoming. I'm now looking forward to feeling this more often, reveling in a life that’s both fun and a little scary.

And this nudges me to ask you: What are you feeling at this moment? What kind of life are you currently living?

If you found this article thought-provoking, I'd like to invite you to listen to a related discussion on this topic on my YouTube channel.

Redefining Success: A Reflection on Expectations and Reality

Ever wondered what success looks like for you in the roles you deeply care about, such as being a leader, a mentor, or even a parent? I experienced a ponder-worthy moment at a women’s organization's mentoring event recently. Picture this: Speaking fluently, with clarity and projection, engaging an audience, sharing victories, and at the close, a roaring applause and a flurry of questions.

Reality check: Almost there, but not quite! My voice? Clear and loud. My speech? Fluent and unblocked. The audience? Engaged. But the cheers and the vivacious applause I anticipated? They didn’t quite materialize.

As an introvert speaking to around 100 people (especially post-COVID), the experience was... well, let’s say, a 'tingly' adventure. I felt I did splendidly, yet a pang of perceived failure lingered. Can you relate? Ever felt you've nailed it but still harbored a sense of failure?

A client of mine echoed this sentiment. In her dream job, in a leadership role meant to bring innovation to a well-bonded team, her new ideas were met with lukewarm reactions instead of enthusiastic engagement. She was doing an impeccable job, yet her internal yardstick for success—measured by the team's reaction—left her feeling less-than.

Here’s the epiphany: When our image of 'success' hinges on how others react, it escapes our control, transforming into an elusive target. The power move? Reframe success to encompass only what's within our control: our actions, thoughts, and words.

My client was, in fact, a stellar leader, laying down a foundation of innovation and future-proofing for an organization that, perhaps, didn’t realize it needed it. Me? I spoke with poise, clarity, and without hesitation to a large, engaged audience – a triumph in its own right!

A coach once shared with me a lesson in perceptions: After a workshop, an attendee, who seemed skeptical throughout, approached him with praise, declaring it the best workshop he’d ever attended. A poignant reminder: You simply can't decipher thoughts from demeanor.

If you're nodding along, re-evaluating your images of success, and if you wish to redefine your benchmarks with someone by your side, reach out. Your journey toward reframing success might just need a companion!

If you found this article thought-provoking, I'd like to invite you to listen to a related discussion on this topic on my YouTube channel.

The Unexpected Emotions of Success: Navigating Fear and Embracing Growth

We often anticipate feelings of joy and elation when we achieve our goals. Yet, sometimes, the reality can be strikingly different.

After my intense many months journey towards a professional coaching certificate, I expected overwhelming happiness upon completion. Instead, I was swept by a wave of fear. I questioned if I had ventured too far and if there was no turning back. Reality seemed to weigh heavily on me.

This wasn't an isolated experience. When I was accepted into a PhD program in the US, the pride was tinged with the anxiety of moving to a foreign land. Similarly, my ascent to a senior leadership role, while a significant accomplishment, brought with it the sudden pressure of amplified expectations.

Why do such emotions surface, especially after achieving what we've worked so hard for?

It's our brain's instinctive reaction to change. As we traverse uncharted territories, our mind, attempting to shield us, may stir feelings of doubt, fear, or uncertainty. Recognizing these emotions as protective mechanisms is key.

These feelings have historically guarded us, guiding us to where we are today. However, as we set our sights higher, they might not serve our future aspirations. It becomes crucial to acknowledge them, confront them, and with gratitude, assure them: "Thank you, but I've got it from here."

If you find yourself grappling with similar emotions, here are some steps to guide you:

• 1. Recognize and Validate Your Emotions: Ignoring them can intensify their grip.

• 2. Voice Your Feelings and Thoughts: Merely articulating out loud can help you understand the root of your emotions or diminish the fear's power by realizing, "this thought doesn't make sense."

• 3. Consult a Coach: They are professionally trained to navigate such emotional terrains, offering clarity and direction.

I hope this resonates with you. Remember the innate strength within you. Embark on your journey with confidence, viewing every challenge as an opportunity for growth.

If you found this article thought-provoking, I'd like to invite you to listen to a related discussion on this topic on my YouTube channel.

Navigating the Fear-Driven Corporate Culture

Recently, I sat with a group of fellow coaches, and we touched upon the ubiquitous challenges that corporate employees face and how we, as coaches, can better assist them.

Our conversation highlighted some striking self-limiting beliefs:

• The idea that revealing vulnerability is akin to showcasing weakness.
• The pervasive thought that work-life balance is a mere myth, more so in the world of startups or in higher echelons.

Additionally, certain fear-driven behaviors emerged:

• The reluctance to voice opinions, fearing manager repercussions.
• The need to stretch work hours as a proof of dedication.

This led me to a realization: corporate culture is deeply entrenched in fear. I've personally navigated this space:

• I remember leaving early to pick up my son from daycare, only to face comments about my work ethic. My manager stepped in, noting that I'd continue working post returning home.
• I've often chosen silence over delivering feedback that might be perceived as negative, all to avoid potential backlash.

In essence, it's not just about limiting beliefs; it's genuinely about the fears:

• Fear of receiving a less-than-stellar review.
• Fear of promotions being just out of reach.
• The looming dread of being the first casualty in layoffs.

While employees invest long hours, the question remains: Is it about the hours or the impact? Sometimes, the result isn't in sync with the expectations of the role.

I was taken aback once when a manager I knew said, "I give lower ratings, thinking it will push individuals to work harder."

With such a mindset prevailing, it's no wonder so many express feelings of exhaustion. The mere mention of rejuvenation lights up their eyes, pointing towards the increasing burnout cases.

If this resonates with you, it’s time for some introspection:

• What fears are holding you back?
• What happens if they materialize?

The act of confronting your fears often diminishes their grip. Remember the tale of The Wizard of Oz? The much-feared wizard was but a man behind a curtain. It's similar with our fears.

When the weight of fear eases, your brain's approach shifts. In a high-alert situation, survival instincts dominate. Once safe, a broader perspective surfaces, revealing previously unseen paths.

I've heard some colleagues say they're trapped between two choices:

• Bear the status quo.
• Or simply walk away.

I challenge that. I believe more avenues await, becoming visible once the shroud of fear is lifted.

So, if fear is dictating your life's rhythm, are you truly living? I urge you to embrace courage and steer towards the authentic life you aspire to live.

If you found this article thought-provoking, I'd like to invite you to listen to a related discussion on this topic on my YouTube channel.