Why Rising from Setbacks is Tough and How to Make It Easier

 

As a leader, coach, and mentor, I often encounter individuals who experience setbacks. They feel all their hard work is wasted and they need to start over from scratch, and they have a hard time motivating themselves. It's challenging to instill even a tiny bit of hope that their efforts were not in vain and that it's okay to be patient, relax, and recharge before starting again. I understand how difficult it is, as I've been through it myself.

I found my love for running in 2021. I did my first-ever 10K run that year and in 2022, I finished my first and only half marathon. I was slow, I got injured and recovered, and I unknowingly finished the half marathon with COVID within the time limit. For almost two years, I made progress, my cardio capacity and muscle strength for running improved, allowing me to run for three hours straight. I was enjoying running but also this progress.

However, I hit a setback after the half marathon. I found myself in a constant state of feeling "under the weather." Most of the times, I was not feeling well and so tired. Running became impossible, and even walking was challenging. This lasted for almost a year, leading me to leave my corporate job in hopes of regaining my energy.

Three months passed with no improvement, and I started to fear that I might never return to my previous fitness level. When I attempted to run again, my Garmin showed a significant drop in my VO2Max level.

I felt a mix of fear and anger. Fear that I may not get fit again, especially considering human health levels typically decline after peaking in their 20s and 30s. I felt like my starting point of decline was much lower. Anger that all my previous 2 years of effort was wasted and I have to start all over again.

It's easy to say that all your time and effort is not wasted and will help somehow, even if you don't realize it. But it doesn't feel that way when you can't see the immediate benefits.

Eventually, I started to run again. Because I actually love running. And I changed my goal, deciding not to obsess with getting back to my old records or fitness level. Listen to my body, enjoy again, if I get there again great, if not great, I am having fun. Not doing any exercise is just not an option, because I am on a declining slide. Even if it keeps me at the same height on the curve, that's better than going down.

Two months later, I participated in the Hot Chocolate Run in Golden Gate Park. It's my favorite running event and I highly recommend it to everyone. A friend of mine joined who is not a runner. She was mixing walking and running to finish the 5K, and I was running next to her. So, yes, I was running at walking speed. But I ran the entire 5K without a break or walk. I was so happy. One, because I really enjoyed it. And two, because I felt hope. Starting again didn't seem as bad, and I was more happy that I could do my favorite exercise again.

We run into setbacks in life, and it's not easy to bounce back. But it is a skill we can learn, practice, and improve, much like building muscle through exercise.

We are starting Adaptability and Resilience Unit on March 12. Learn more ways to persevere setbacks a little easier. 

Strategies for Handling Encounters with Difficult People

 Many women have shared stories of facing rude colleagues, often leaving them too stunned to respond in the moment and replaying the incident in their heads afterward. The common decision? To let it go, thinking it's not their fault but the other person's. However, speaking up is crucial in these situations for several reasons:

• The person might not realize their behavior came off as rude. When informed, many apologize, claiming, "I didn't mean it that way, sorry if you took it that way."
• By staying silent, you inadvertently teach them that such behavior towards you is acceptable. This is especially true in group settings, where making it known that this behavior won't be tolerated is vital.
• If the behavior continues and you need to involve managers or HR, having voiced your feelings each time strengthens your case. Witnesses can further bolster your position.
• Some might dismiss your feelings with comments like "Women are too sensitive." Don't let fear of such responses deter you; this is sexism and a violation that should be reported immediately.

Understanding the importance of speaking up is one thing, but actually doing it in the moment can be challenging, especially under shock or if English isn't your first language. Here are some tips to prepare:

• Memorize a simple sentence to break the ice, such as "What you just did didn't sit well with me. Please don't do that again." It's easier to continue once you've started.
• Express how you felt rather than labeling the other person's behavior; say "I don't like the way you talk to me" instead of "You are rude."
• After expressing your feelings, shift the focus back to work matters.
• Practice makes perfect. Rehearse with a partner or friends until you find a response you're comfortable with.

Remember, people will treat you the way you allow them to. It's essential to teach them how you expect to be treated.

Enhance your ability to navigate challenging workplace interactions by joining the Women Leaders Community: [https://www.kimcoachinggroup.com/women-leaders-community] Gain further resilience and insights by subscribing to our newsletter: [https://tinyurl.com/3p6j2c2p]

What is Your Recognition Desire?

 The psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan referred to the desire for recognition from others as the "recognition desire." He suggested that even our deepest desires hidden in our subconscious are not entirely our own but are influenced by the expectations and recognition of others. He famously stated, "The unconscious is the desire of the Other."

When we want something, we often believe it's our own desire, but in reality, it may be driven by what others in society expect or value. We may think we've been living our lives for our own sake, but in truth, we might have been striving to meet the expectations and gain the approval of others.

Ironically, receiving praise can sometimes create immense pressure. When someone is praised, they might feel the need to maintain that level of performance to avoid disappointing others. There's a fear that if they fall short of those expectations, others might think, "Oh, it wasn't as impressive as I thought. Maybe I was wrong." In such cases, praise becomes a tool for judgment and control, a means to impose one's expectations on another.

When questions like, "Why am I living this way?" or "Is this really so important?" arise in our lives, we shouldn't simply dismiss them. Instead, we should take a moment to reflect on whether we are living the life we truly desire or if we are conforming to societal expectations. It's possible that we've sacrificed too much of our own aspirations to seek the recognition and praise of others. If that's the case, it could be a turning point in our journey to discover our true selves and the life we genuinely desire.

The more we understand ourselves, the more we can establish unshakable principles for our lives. People with such principles are less likely to be swayed by the recognition and praise of others. Like a spine supporting our bodies, strong principles uphold and sustain their lives.

This was the topic we discussed at this week’s Women Leaders Community session. Check it out if you want to find out more: [https://www.kimcoachinggroup.com/women-leaders-units] If you'd like to receive more insightful content like this, consider subscribing to our newsletter [https://tinyurl.com/3p6j2c2p].

Love Yourself Unconditionally

 Do you have someone or something in your life that you love unconditionally? For many, it's their children or their beloved pets.

Now, take a moment to gaze into the mirror or switch to selfie mode on your phone's camera. Look beyond the surface, beyond the wrinkles or gray hairs. Look deep inside yourself. Search for that inner child, the boy or girl who has been a part of you all these years, perhaps forgotten but always present. Feel the love for them just like your love for your children or pets. This inner child doesn't need to earn love or prove anything; they deserve unconditional love just as they are, but maybe they didn't receive it. Try to extend that same love to yourself.

If this feels challenging, it's okay; simply acknowledge it. It means your inner critics are putting up strong resistance. You might consider dedicating more effort to work on silencing those inner critics. Loving yourself unconditionally is like putting on an oxygen mask—it's not selfish; it's the most effective way to help others more effectively.

This was the profound topic we explored deeply this week at the Women Leaders Community. Check it out if you want to find out more: [https://www.kimcoachinggroup.com/women-leaders-units] If you'd like to receive more insightful content like this, consider subscribing to our newsletter [https://tinyurl.com/3p6j2c2p].