Letter to the woman who’s hesitating right now

This is a letter to the woman who's hesitating right now.

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You had goals, dreams. You worked really hard for it.

And now, you reach a place where things are good. You’re respected. You’re treated well. You know your work. You feel safe and comfortable.

But, deep inside, this is not where you want to be.

You want something different, something bigger.

And yet… this time, it feels harder.

Back then, you were young. You hadn’t built anything yet. There was nothing to lose.

But now? You’ve built a career. You have a job, a reputation, people who rely on you. There’s a lot at stake.

So you play small.

When you feel that spark of desire, but it’s not totally clear what that is, you call it silly.

“I should be thankful for what I have. It’s silly I have this desire to quit and do something else,” you tell yourself.

When you don’t see a perfect path to your dream, you assume there is no good path—and start to justify why it’s a good idea not to pursue your dream.

“I’ve seen people who have what I want. They don’t have work-life balance. They don’t see their family. I don’t want that life. So I’m not giving up my dream, I’m protecting what’s more important to me.”

But the truth is, those paths didn’t always exist. Someone built them. You can too.

Maybe you won’t do it alone. Maybe you’ll create a new path alongside others—the one that others will walk after you.

My grandmother was not allowed to study. My mother was not allowed to have a job. I was allowed to do both.

That didn’t happen overnight. That happened because each generation carved out a little more space for the next.

So if your dream feels like it requires too much sacrifice, try pursuing it without sacrificing. See where the real boundary is. If you don’t try, you don’t know the boundary. If you don’t know it, you can’t expand it.

If your dream feels impossible, at least try and find out where it breaks. That’s still progress.

And you may be surprised how far you can go when you don’t give up first.

Don’t give up first. Push the boundaries. So your impossible dream becomes your daughter's starting point.

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This is letter to my younger self, who hesitated many times.

Does it feel like it’s written to you, too? What dream are you giving up right now?

You are not alone.

I’m here, rooted for you.

The 6-Step Time Management Framework

“I just don’t have enough time.”


It’s one of the most common and persistent challenges I hear from professionals, whether they’re trying to grow their careers, care for their families, or just carve out time for themselves.

There’s always more to do: urgent work tasks, long-term goals, endless meetings, family responsibilities, self-care routines. And even within work, many people tell me they’re working harder than ever just to survive in a high-pressure environment.

We talk a lot about time management, but at its core, it's about making hard decisions. Not about what’s important (well, everything feels important, right? 😉), but about what you’ll choose not to do.

Here are three keys:

1. Deprioritization

The uncomfortable truth is: you can’t do everything. And the more ambitious or responsible you are, the harder this truth hits. Deprioritizing doesn’t mean giving up or being careless. It means protecting the things that matter most. It’s a discipline of choosing wisely, not doing mindlessly. You’re not failing by saying no, you’re succeeding at focusing.

2. Efficiency

When you invest time in learning a skill, gaining experience, or mastering a tool, you set yourself up to complete tasks faster and with less effort. Mastery pays off over time, not just in speed, but in ease. The more fluent you become, the more time and energy you free up for what really matters.

3. Flow

When you’re in flow, time bends. You do more in less time, not by rushing, but by tapping into uninterrupted brainpower. Flow is when your mind holds the big picture and the small details at once, letting you think deeply and solve problems with clarity. 

But flow doesn’t just happen. The brain needs protected space to get there. That means minimizing distractions, guarding your attention, and treating deep work like the high-value resource it is. You don’t find flow by accident—you design for it.

A 6-Step Method to Manage Your Time and Focus Better

1. Consider the Task

Start small. Pick one task that’s on your mind, not a whole list. Often we carry around invisible mental weight by holding too many open loops. Naming just one task helps you shift from overwhelm to focus. If you’re not sure where to start, pick something that’s either blocking other progress or causing you low-grade stress by staying undone.


2. Evaluate the Task

Don't assume you have to do this task right now. Ask yourself:

• Is it really important? Sometimes others say it's important simply because they want it done. Go deeper. What’s at stake if it doesn't get done?
• What are you deprioritizing by choosing this task? Maybe it's time with your family, or your own self-care. Is this task worth that tradeoff?
• Can it actually be done now? There may be dependencies or blockers that mean you need to wait. If so, don't waste your energy on it until you can take meaningful action.
• Is there a better way? Can a tool help you do it faster? Would automating or delegating it lead to a better outcome with less effort?

This is the most important step. If you don't pause here, you might spend a lot of time and energy on something that doesn't really matter, while more important things quietly fall away.


3. Estimate the Time Needed

Estimate how long each task will take. 

If you think something will take 90 minutes, break it into multiple chunks of 30 minutes or less. The better you estimate, the more likely you are to finish what you committed to on time.

Once you have a realistic sense of how long tasks will take, you're ready to choose what you'll actually commit to for the day.

4. Pick Your Top 1-3 Tasks for the Day

Limit creates focus. When everything’s a priority, nothing is. Choose up to three tasks that move the needle, whether that’s progress toward a bigger goal or clearing up space for something more meaningful. Treat these tasks like meetings: block time for them, show up on time, and give them your full presence.


5. Execute with Full Focus

Focus is fragile. Guard it like your most valuable asset, because it is. Eliminate as many interruptions as possible before you start, and give your task your full and undivided attention.

• Let others know you’re in heads-down mode: block time on your calendar, set your Slack status, or put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on your door. 
• Put your phone out of sight and out of reach. Turn off all notifications and close any unrelated windows on your computer.

When it’s time for a break, take a real one. Don’t let yourself “just finish one more thing.” Step away immediately. Do something completely unrelated to the task. This reset helps you return sharper, clearer, and more creative.

6. Evaluate and Improve

Reflection turns action into learning. At the end of the day, take five minutes to look back: 

• Did you pick the right tasks? Were they as impactful as you expected? Were they worth the tradeoff of deprioritizing something else?
• How accurate was your time estimate? Did you have extra time left, or did you run out before finishing what you planned?
• Was your focus disrupted? If so, what pulled you away?

This isn’t about judgment. It’s about understanding what helps you stay on track and what habits or systems might need adjusting. Small insights here can lead to big improvements over time.

Final Thought

Prioritization isn’t a one-time decision, it’s a practice. When you evaluate tasks with clarity, create space for deep focus, and reflect on what works, you stop reacting to your day and start designing it. 

That’s how real progress happens, not by doing more, but by doing what matters with intention.

The Interview Framework That Makes You Stand Out

When we think of interviews, especially high-stakes ones, we often picture a rapid-fire exchange—questions flying in, answers flying out. But the candidates who truly stand out aren’t the ones who respond the fastest. They’re the ones who think deliberately, engage deeply, and communicate with structure and clarity.

Here’s a powerful framework I often share with clients. It’s designed to help you slow down, get your footing, and own the conversation—even in the trickiest interview moments.

1. Listen

This may sound obvious, but most people presumptuously assume what the question is about and rush to deliver a prepared answer.

• Listen carefully to what the interviewer is asking.
• Pay attention to why they might be asking it—what are they trying to uncover?
• Listen to how they’re framing the problem.
• Take quick notes to capture key phrases, constraints, or signals about what matters to them.

2. Ask

Don’t rush into an answer. Instead, confirm your understanding is correct, by asking clarification questions.

• Clarify the scope: “Are you looking for a high-level strategy or more tactical steps?”
• If something feels vague, ask for specifics: “When you say X, do you mean…?”
• If no question comes to mind, share your initial thinking approach: “Here’s what I hear and how I’d like to approach this—does that sound reasonable?”

This shows confidence, thoughtfulness, and collaboration.

3. Pause

This is your secret weapon.

• Take at least 10 seconds, ideally closer to 20, to think.
• Jot down your structure or the path you want to take.
• The silence may feel uncomfortable—but it reads as poised and thoughtful.

4. Approach

Before jumping into the full answer, map out how you’ll tackle it.

• Decide what framework you’ll use (e.g., prioritization, trade-offs, root cause).
• Go broad first—list 4–5 possible solutions or approaches.
• Then go deep—choose one, and explain why you think it’s best.

Avoid over-applying frameworks; use them to clarify, not to impress.

5. Answer

Now, walk through your response.

• Use clear signposts to guide the interviewer:
• “Here’s the first thing I’d consider…”
• “Now moving to the second part…”
• Anchor your answer in specifics, and don’t assume they’re following your thoughts—show them where you are.

6. Pivot & Check-In

Stay agile. Periodically check in: “Am I on the right track here?”

• If you realize mid-answer that you’re heading in the wrong direction, own the pivot: “Actually, I want to pause and revise my approach because I think there’s a better way to tackle this…”
• Then explain why.

This shows that you’re not afraid to acknowledge a misstep and are willing to pivot thoughtfully toward a stronger solution.

7. Summarize

Wrap up with clarity.

• Summarize your key points so the takeaway is unmistakable.
• If appropriate, add a brief caveat: “Of course, this would depend on the company’s priorities and available data…”

Mastering this approach doesn’t just help you answer better—it helps you think, communicate, and lead more effectively under pressure.

If you want to build confidence and practice applying this in real interviews, I’d love to help. Feel free to reach out if you’re interested in working together.

What’s the Ending of Your Hero Story?

With everything going on in the world right now, I’ve heard many people express a deep worry: “What if I don’t reach the goal I once believed I could?” 

With mass layoffs, a tough job market, and shifting landscapes, that fear is completely understandable.

But what if you looked at your situation the way you’d watch a hero movie?

The Hero's Journey

In every hero movie, there are three acts:

1.  Setup: We meet the hero in their everyday world.
2.  Confrontation: They face challenges that test them, push them, even break them.
3.  Resolution: They emerge transformed, ready to claim what’s theirs.

Take The Matrix, for example:

1.  Setup: Neo lives an ordinary life as a software programmer.
2.  Confrontation: He’s thrown into a confusing and frightening reality, wants to give up, but keeps going.
3.  Resolution: He masters the Matrix, embraces who he is, and rises as the hero who can change everything.

Your Hero Story

Your journey may not be as wild as Neo’s, but, you are the main character in your own hero story.

Your Setup:

• You’ve worked incredibly hard to get where you are.
• You studied at great schools. You may have earned a master’s or PhD.
• You landed strong jobs. You became an expert in your field.
• You may have even felt a sense of stability.

Your Confrontation:

• Now you may be facing uncertainty that feels bigger than expected.
• Layoffs. Fewer opportunities. A job market that doesn’t reflect your effort, talent, or potential.

So the real question is: What’s the ending of your hero journey?

• What do you truly want?
• What would make that ending exciting, meaningful, and worth the twists along the way?

Because when you focus on that, your vision of the ending, you may realize something powerful: The exact steps matter less.

The path might change. The timing might shift. You may walk a route you never imagined. And that’s okay. That’s part of the story.

At Women Leaders Club, we help high-achieving women reconnect with the bigger vision they’re meant for—even when the path feels unclear. Join us.

When Everything Feels Like Too Much: A Gentle Way to Shrink the Fear

I hear from so many people lately that they’re feeling heightened anxiety and stress. They can’t sleep. They wake in the middle of the night worrying. They can’t relax. They stay relentlessly busy, trying anything to avoid the discomfort.

And it makes sense—look at what’s happening around us.

Mass layoffs. A brutally tough job market. DEI departments being dismantled. Federal employees let go without warning. Uncertainty is everywhere.

For high-achieving professionals who’ve worked so hard to build meaningful careers, it can feel especially disorienting.

When the world feels shaky, fear starts to grow louder.

What if I lose my job? What if everything I’ve worked for over the last 10 years was for nothing?

Black Dog

This reminds me of a beautifully illustrated children’s book called Black Dog by Levi Pinfold.

In the story, a family wakes one morning to find a terrifyingly large black dog outside their home. Each family member sees it and becomes more afraid than the last. They hide. They panic. And every time someone looks again, the dog seems even bigger.

But the youngest member of the family—Small Hope—does something different.

She walks outside. She meets the dog. She leads it through tight spaces and playful paths. And with each step, the dog gets smaller. By the time they return home, the massive creature is no longer frightening. It’s just a dog.

It’s a powerful metaphor. Fear grows when we avoid it. It shrinks when we face it.

But here’s the real question: How do we face the fear in our own lives?

Here’s a powerful exercise you can try on your own, especially when you feel overwhelmed:

“If That Happens, Then What?” Exercise

When you feel fear rising, 

1. Name it. Write it down.
2. Then ask: If that happens, then what?
3. Write the answer.
4. And ask again: Then what?
5. Repeat at least five times.

Example:

• I’m scared I won’t get a job I like soon.
• If that happens, then what?
• I might have to take a lower-paying job.
• Then what?
• I might not be able to cover all my expenses.
• Then what?
• I’d have to cut back, ask for help, or use savings.
• Then what?

Most people find that after this exercise, their fear shrinks. Sometimes it even disappears. Try it the next time things feel too big to handle.

At Women Leaders Club, we create space for high-achieving women to do exactly this: To shrink fear. To find clarity. To reconnect with what they truly want and go after it. If this resonates with you, I invite you to join us.

How Negative Thoughts Turn Into Behaviors That Hold You Back

In Part 1, we explored how your negative thoughts often trace back to childhood roles—strategies you unconsciously developed to feel safe, loved, or accepted.

But those early roles don’t just disappear. They evolve.

They become your internal voice. And for many high-achieving women, they become what we now call Imposter Syndrome Masks—the protective personas we wear as adults to avoid feeling exposed, inadequate, or unworthy.

These masks aren’t flaws. They’re strategies that once helped you survive.

But if you’re feeling stuck, burned out, or like you’re holding yourself back… it might be time to take a closer look.

Imposter Syndrome Masks

🎓 The Expert

Feels the need to know everything—and sees any gap in knowledge as failure. Even small mistakes bring up shame. Tends to avoid senior stakeholders, shares knowledge only in “safe” spaces, and lives with anxiety about being exposed for not knowing enough.

🛑 The Failure Avoider

Avoids taking risks that could lead to failure. Resists pushing for stretch assignments, asking for raises, or starting new ventures. Feels regret or frustration for not stepping into bigger possibilities.

🧠 The Natural Genius

Believes true competence should come easily. If they struggle to learn something, they feel like a fraud. Avoids showing the process, effort, or vulnerability that comes with learning.

🤐 The Soloist

Thinks asking for help is a sign of weakness. Prefers to manage everything alone. Fears that leaning on others will expose them as incompetent or undeserving.

🦸 The Superhero

Measures worth by how much they can juggle—work, family, leadership, and more. Feels responsible for solving everyone’s problems. Struggles to delegate or let go.

🕵️ The Behind-the-Scenes Leader

Avoids visibility and lets others take credit. Shies away from public-facing roles or speaking up in meetings. Fears that being in the spotlight will reveal their flaws.

How About You?

Which mask feels familiar? You might recognize yourself in more than one.

Take a moment to reflect:

• Where in your life or work do you notice these patterns?
• How have these masks helped you succeed or stay safe?
• And now—are they limiting you in any way?

Decide Your New Behavior

Once you recognize these patterns and the impact they’ve had, you get to choose what to do next. If they still serve you, there’s no need to change them. But if you sense they’re limiting your growth or possibilities, you have the power to shift them.

You don’t need to drop the mask all at once, and you don’t have to force confidence. Change starts with one small, intentional step—something just outside your comfort zone. A step that makes your heart beat a little faster, something that makes you say, “Yikes… but maybe.” Not overwhelming. Just stretching. You practice that one step until it feels natural. Then you take the next one.

💡 Here are a few small, meaningful steps you might try:

• The Expert can say: “I’m not sure—does anyone know the exact number?”
• The Failure Avoider can volunteer for something new, even if it feels a little risky.
• The Natural Genius can try a hobby they’re not naturally good at—and share the learning process.
• The Soloist can ask for input on a project, even just a second opinion.
• The Superhero can delegate one task—and trust someone else to handle it.
• The Behind-the-Scenes Leader can speak up in a small meeting, even just to share a quick update.

💬 Join the Women Leaders Club—a space for high-achieving women to remove the masks, break old patterns, and support one another in becoming who we truly are.

Where Do Your Negative Thoughts Come From?

One of the biggest challenges to achieving what we want is this: what we want and what our brain wants aren’t always the same.

Our brain’s goal is simple—survival. As long as we don’t die, can breathe, and eat, it considers the mission accomplished. But we want more than that. We want to thrive. We want meaning, fulfillment, joy.

And that’s where the inner conflict begins.

Survival First, Then Thriving

Our brain isn’t doing anything wrong—it’s doing something essential. Thriving only becomes possible after survival is secured. Many of the fears and thoughts that hold us back today were developed in childhood to protect us.

For instance, most babies develop separation anxiety around 8 months old—right when they begin to crawl. If they venture too far from caregivers, they might get hurt—or, in the past, attacked by predators. That fear kept them close. It kept them alive.

Many of our current fears operate the same way.

Ever felt scared to leave a job where you’re respected and doing well—even if your heart is pulling you toward something else? That fear makes sense. Your brain registers change as danger and tries to keep you in the known and familiar.

But now? Those once-useful fears might be outdated—and unhelpful.

How Childhood Praise and Criticism Shape Thought Patterns

• If you were constantly praised for being intelligent or accomplished, you might feel pressure to overwork to meet expectations.
• If your parents were critical or dismissive, you may have developed a deep need to prove yourself.
• If you were always a top student, you might now tie your self-worth to titles or achievements.

These early experiences often create invisible roles we carry into adulthood—roles that shape our thoughts, behaviors, and how we relate to others.

Three Childhood Roles That Shape Our Inner Voice

You may recognize yourself in one or more of these roles.

🧠 The Intelligent One

This role often forms in children who discover that being smart or competent brings praise, protection, or safety—especially if they were favorably compared to siblings. To maintain this identity, they grow emotionally distant and overly reliant on intellect, using logic and mastery as shields against vulnerability.

• Typical behaviors: High need to “figure things out,” excessive planning, overthinking, emotional detachment. Hyper-sensitive to danger and criticism.

• Internal belief: “If I’m smart enough, I can stay in control and avoid being hurt.”

• Shadow: Lives with constant self-doubt and fear of being exposed as not truly intelligent. Can come across as cold, cynical, skeptical, or intellectually arrogant.

• Healing task: Reconnect with feelings, allow vulnerability, and realize that worth isn’t dependent on intellect or performance.

💼 The Hardworking One

This role develops in children who learn that love, safety, or recognition comes through relentless effort and responsibility. Often labeled as “the mature one” or “the responsible sibling,” they step in to manage chaos or fill in emotional gaps at home—pushing themselves to meet high expectations, even at the cost of their well-being.

• Typical behaviors: Perfectionism, people-pleasing, overworking, inability to rest, strong inner critic, suppression of emotions to stay productive.

• Internal belief: “If I keep working hard and doing everything right, I’ll finally be safe or loved.”

• Shadow: Prone to burnout, resentment, harsh self-comparisons, and difficulty asking for help. Views their own needs as selfish. Often feels stuck in unfair situations, thinking “why me?”

• Healing task: Learn to rest without guilt, reconnect with play and spontaneity, and value themselves beyond achievement or output.

🛡️ The Survivor

This role forms in children who grow up in environments filled with chaos, neglect, or overwhelming pressure. When survival—emotional or physical—is the priority, achievement often becomes the escape route. These children learn to dissociate, suppress emotion, and stay hyper-alert to danger. Their focus is on minimizing harm and staying in control.

• Typical behaviors: Emotional shutdown, avoidance of attention, hyper-independence, numbness, avoidance of conflict even when it matters.

• Internal belief: “I just need to get through this. No one helps me—I’m on my own.”

• Shadow: Deep loneliness, difficulty trusting others, fear of vulnerability, identity confusion. Alternates between intense control and deep powerlessness. Hates being told what to do.

• Healing task: Rebuild a sense of safety, reconnect with the body and emotions, and allow for the possibility of joy, connection, and thriving—not just survival.

What Roles Do You See in Yourself?

Which role do you recognize in yourself? You might resonate with more than one. 

Can you trace some of your current thoughts or behaviors back to those early roles? How have they shaped your decisions, relationships, or how you show up at work? In what ways did they protect you or help you succeed?

Awareness Is the First Step

Although these patterns were formed to protect us, that doesn’t mean they should run us.

When a self-critical voice shows up,

• I’m not good enough
• I don’t deserve this 
• What if they find out I’m not as good as they think?

Acknowledge it—without judgment.

Then ask:

• Is this really true?
• Is this belief still serving me?

If the answer is no, it may be time to let that thought go. It might’ve helped you once, but if it’s keeping you small, scared, or stuck—it’s time to write a new story.

🧭 In Part 2, we’ll explore how these roles evolve into imposter syndrome masks—and how to shift the behaviors holding you back.